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Missing – A broken undercover cop and rookie detective are transferred into missing persons. During investigating a missing woman they discover links to one of his old undercover cases and a cover up by his former handler.
This is all just the inciting incident as it currently stands. What are they going to do about it? What's their objective goal? I feel like the first sentence is unnecessary. We don't need to know they are transferred as that's simply a bit of back story and not the inciting incident. Without knowinRead more
This is all just the inciting incident as it currently stands. What are they going to do about it? What’s their objective goal?
I feel like the first sentence is unnecessary. We don’t need to know they are transferred as that’s simply a bit of back story and not the inciting incident. Without knowing why they’re transferred and how that could play into the story, it’s just a bit of colour really.
I’m not sure we need the rookie detective in the logline either. It seems to be much more personal to the undercover cop so, whilst he can have a partner, logline-wise it doesn’t add a lot.
The word “broken” is a bit ambiguous. What, specifically, is wrong with him? You mention PTSD in your comment, PTSD from what?
I think the cover up is possibly an MPR. Surely first of all he makes the connection to an old case then as he investigates that he discovers the cover up that changes his goal. Classic MPR.
I wonder if it’s worth adding that the old case is unsolved. Then the goal is more obvious – solve both cases. It also answers the “why this guy?” question. It’s his old case that he never solved.
I think it would be reasonably straightforward to make this logline work as one sentence, have a suitable goal, and an MPR. What’s the hook though? There’s nothing (yet) that makes this stand out from other similar crime noir films. Flip genders? Homme fatale instead of femme fatale?
Hope this helps in some way.
See lessWhen a gigantic firestorm burns through a family’s horse ranch in October 2003, the miracles it leaves behind bring Grant, an accomplished physicist, to the brink of believing in something more powerful than science.
As per dpg and Richiev. In addition: We don't need names in a logline. It adds no value, only more words. Instead, consider telling us who Grant is. You mentioned he is a scientist but what is his character flaw? What is the characteristic that gives him his arc? Given that the audience must followRead more
As per dpg and Richiev.
In addition:
We don’t need names in a logline. It adds no value, only more words. Instead, consider telling us who Grant is. You mentioned he is a scientist but what is his character flaw? What is the characteristic that gives him his arc? Given that the audience must follow him for 90+mins, it’s important to understand why, even just in the logline.
The magic apples… are they literal or figurative?
Grant shouldn’t have lived to see his ninth birthday… ok. How old is he now? Given that the story is told now, his current age is arguably more important than the age he was when he could have died.
I really have no idea what the plot is about. Does Grant wish that wonders would cease? If so, why? A world without wonder sounds pretty grim.
To me, this is more like a bit of marketing spiel you could put on the back of the DVD cover. That’s not what a logline is though. A logline MUST tell us what the plot is.
I would argue that the inciting incident isn’t his fall at 8 years old, it’s getting the magic bag of apples. That’s what starts his actual journey. The fall is merely backstory. It might have impacted his character now, but it’s not the event that gives our hero a quest. Or at least I assume this is the case. I can’t say for sure without understanding what happens after this guy gets his bag of apples.
See lessWhen his father and brother died in a tunnel collapse, a mischievous young boy must take over the work in mines to survive life.
I agree with the other comments. The word "young" in a logline really frustrates me. It's so vague. You say "young boy" and I'm thinking 4 years old... is he really working in a mine? No, probably not. So how old is he? 10? The story changes drastically depending on the age of the protagonist so it'Read more
I agree with the other comments.
The word “young” in a logline really frustrates me. It’s so vague. You say “young boy” and I’m thinking 4 years old… is he really working in a mine? No, probably not. So how old is he? 10? The story changes drastically depending on the age of the protagonist so it’s always worth a little specificity.
Ambiguity is where loglines go to die.
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