1. Posted: July 6, 2020In:

    When a lab accident makes him lose his sense of touch, a morally ambiguous top scientist must create a serum before he loses his other senses.

    Mike Pedley Singularity

    When a character loses the ability to do something in the inciting incident, usually it's only because of this loss that they're able to succeed later. Effectively, their weakness becomes their strength at the beginning of the final act. I didn't see the stakes in the same way BLIO did. His conditioRead more

    When a character loses the ability to do something in the inciting incident, usually it’s only because of this loss that they’re able to succeed later. Effectively, their weakness becomes their strength at the beginning of the final act.

    I didn’t see the stakes in the same way BLIO did. His condition is not life threatening, and nothing in the logline suggests his life is in danger, so his survival is not at stake. Only his senses. Admittedly, losing your senses… what kind of life would that be?

    My biggest issue with this logline is I can’t see anything interesting in Act II other than the scientist sitting in a lab working on a serum to save himself. That’s not interesting for an audience. Visually, it’s pretty flat. That’s not to say that other things won’t be happening but all I have to base it on is what’s in this logline.

    You describe the character as “morally ambiguous”. The protagonist’s flaw usually suggests their arc through the story but I think, if we’re talking about morality (which I’m guessing is a potential theme) then we need some sort of interaction with the wider world to understand morality in the world of the movie. He is only morally ambiguous when compared to the highly moral, or the highly immoral. Since his story (as I can glean from this logline) is just him in a lab working on a serum to save himself, I’m not sure how his morality comes into play. Morality is a social construct, so there must be a social element.

    With all of this in mind, why not introduce a second person. Someone moral (or immoral), who, through our protagonist’s morally ambiguous activities, should never have been there in the first place and they are the one who loses their senses. Now, being morally ambiguous has negative connotations and saving someone is moral, but also have it so the method with which he has to save the other can only be a highly moral one. I’m just throwing stuff out there, but I feel like this protagonist desperately needs to socialise for this to work.

    I think the loss of senses is interesting. Is there a reason why you chose touch to be the first to go?

    Hope some of this helps in some way.

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  2. Posted: July 5, 2020In:

    When a timid reef fish, discovers the world is about to be destroyed by a single ordinary human, he must find a way to stop them, and survive a treacherous journey to the surface world.

    Mike Pedley Singularity

    There's a few bits in this where I struggle to suspend my disbelief. I find it hard to believe that a single ordinary human can destroy the world. Without an explanation, I can't see how. Knowing that there's a plan for the fish to be aware of suggests the human is knowingly doing something to destrRead more

    There’s a few bits in this where I struggle to suspend my disbelief. I find it hard to believe that a single ordinary human can destroy the world. Without an explanation, I can’t see how. Knowing that there’s a plan for the fish to be aware of suggests the human is knowingly doing something to destroy the world. WHY??? This makes no sense to me.

    I also struggle to see how a fish is supposed to survive on land and stop a person doing anything. How did the fish even become aware of this? Did this human tell this fish his dastardly plan???

    I have way more questions than I should and I feel like the plot is so unbelievable (based on the information currently available in this logline) that I just dismiss the idea. It could be that the information in the logline is too vague, so you may need more specificity to clear up obvious and problematic questions the reader will have.

    Hope this helps.

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  3. Posted: June 28, 2020In:

    When the IRS seize their fortune, an out of touch father takes his pampered wife and snotty children to live in a backwater town they once bought as a joke.

    Mike Pedley Singularity

    And do what? What's his goal? Is it to reclaim his fortune? The goal usually has a strong correlation to the inciting incident - in this case the loss of his fortune. I imagine, the family moving to the backwater town is the end of Act I, so what happens in Act II?

    And do what? What’s his goal? Is it to reclaim his fortune? The goal usually has a strong correlation to the inciting incident – in this case the loss of his fortune. I imagine, the family moving to the backwater town is the end of Act I, so what happens in Act II?

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