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A terminally ill Irish banker with only six months to live must convince her jilted ex-fiance and American baseball star to return back to Ireland to meet his unknown, 10-year-old daughter.
Who's the protagonist? The banker or the baseball star? If it's the banker, why MUST she do this? Is her goal to ensure that her daughter knows who her father is? Or will the daughter go with the dad back to the states? If the baseball player is the protagonist, what is his goal once he has met hisRead more
Who’s the protagonist? The banker or the baseball star? If it’s the banker, why MUST she do this? Is her goal to ensure that her daughter knows who her father is? Or will the daughter go with the dad back to the states? If the baseball player is the protagonist, what is his goal once he has met his daughter.
Either way, the journey to the goal is remarkably short. She just has to convince him to visit – and I imagine most men, if they discovered they had a child they were unaware, would be on a plane pretty quick. He just has to meet his daughter. I want to know to what end. If she’s dying why is it so important for him to meet his daughter? What’s he going to do after he meets her?
Why is it important to the plot to state she is Irish? Why is the Irish setting fundamental to this story? Does it make any difference if they’re both American and live in?different states? If you can transplant the whole thing to another location and the characters and plot remain the same, it doesn’t need to go in a logline.
I would focus on one of the two characters and insure the whole logline is from their perspective and tell us what their end goal is.
See lessWhen his former lover is killed, an immortal cowboy rises from the dead teams up with a teenage girl to kill those are responsible.
As Guy Man said. Plus, if he's immortal, how can he rise from the dead.
As Guy Man said.
Plus, if he’s immortal, how can he rise from the dead.
See lessDisbelieving his addicted mother that he is fatherless, a faith-driven basketball star must jeopardize his championship hopes to uncover the heartrending truth about his long-lost dad.
How can any child be fatherless? Maybe the guy who our protagonist believed was his dad, isn't. Maybe that's the discovery. That would also explain the "why now?" question. Or does his mother claim that it was an immaculate conception? That could help with the faith bit.He's faith-driven. What beariRead more
How can any child be fatherless? Maybe the guy who our protagonist believed was his dad, isn’t. Maybe that’s the discovery. That would also explain the “why now?” question. Or does his mother claim that it was an immaculate conception? That could help with the faith bit.
He’s faith-driven. What bearing does that have on the story? Why is that important enough as a defining characteristic to be in the logline?
When you say he’s a basketball star? Like NBA level?
His goal – “discover the heartrending truth about his long-lost dad” – why is his goal not “to find his father”? The truth might be that he’s actually passed away (or whatever the heartrending truth is), but that’s like an Act II break, and I believe a logline should stop before this point.
I think the basic elements are there, I think they just need adjusting slightly to firm it up a little.
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