Why is it important to the plot for us to know she is Eurasian and a descendant of St. Patrick?

When you say girl… do you mean 4? or 14? Girl is incredibly vague and cover a whole lot of ground. Be specific as it helps the reader to understand the story.

Do you mean PRC as in People’s Republic of China? Never use abbreviations, words, or acronyms that there is a chance a reader may not understand. The bigger point here is why would we assume any different? She’s been captured by a Chinese agent (for no reason – more on this later) so why wouldn’t we assume this?

The big problem I have is why? Why would a Chinese agent kidnap, abuse, and kill random people? I understand that history has done some pretty appalling things but there is always a motivation for it. So why has this girl been kidnapped with the intention of abusing and killing her?

How does China benefit from a nuclear winter? Surely they’d suffer from the fallout too, given how so much of their wealth and power comes from exporting goods. If they have no countries to export to… then what?

This girl’s in a cell I’m guessing? How does she come to overhear a plot to create nuclear winter in the first place? This wouldn’t be the sort of thing the grunts would be discussing and I’m guessing the President isn’t just wandering about.

Assuming there are good reasons for all of the above – well then what happens? This girl has escaped but I’m guessing she’s still in the middle of China? What does she do next to try and stop this nuclear winter?

At the moment it seems very convenient, illogical, and I just don’t buy it. It all comes down to what sort of movie this is gonna be. You’ve said action – the majority of action in an action film happens in Act II but we have no clue as to what happens there so there’s is nothing in this logline that suggests action in anyway… yet. She’s just a girl too. As it currently stands, she has no experience or skillset that leads to her becoming an action hero. So how are we supposed to believe she is an action hero? I feel like the antagonists are being bad just for the sake of the plot. They want to kill people for no reason and destroy the world because they can. A villain needs a goal too, and in this situation, something that actually seems logical and rational (even if completely abhorrent).

I feel like this plot needs some more cooking, although it could simply be the logline isn’t currently doing the job it needs to.

Hope this helps in some way.

We don’t need names in a logline or any of the back story.

Who’s the actual protagonist here? From what I can tell, both your leads end up in a coma within the first act. That suggests to me that this story is actually about someone else who has to make the decision about which of these two should live and which should give his heart to the other. I really love that dilemma by the way, but their goal to “fulfil their dreams” is completely out of the control of either of these two characters. What’s going to be happening on screen while these two are in a coma? I feel like this logline is merely a summary of act I making way for the actual protagonist of the movie to step forward at the break.

Consider doing this from the perspective of the person in charge of making that decision, or the doctor in charge of getting the families to make that decision – however you see it working. One person must be at the centre of this dilemma and his story is the most interesting in my opinion.

Definitely keep playing with this idea. Hope this helps.