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  1. Posted: March 30, 2020In: Romance

    When a French stockbroker retires in disgrace and escapes to a secluded island where he falls for a woman concealing her own demons, he must secretly compensate his victims before he can win her heart.

    Mike Pedley Singularity
    Added an answer on March 30, 2020 at 8:29 pm

    Why? Why will this make any difference to her? She doesn't know about his past, so why will this affect her at all. Whether she falls in love with him is completely out of his control, surely? Plus, he's compensating them in secret... she'll never know regardless. Why does he have to be French? WhatRead more

    Why? Why will this make any difference to her? She doesn’t know about his past, so why will this affect her at all. Whether she falls in love with him is completely out of his control, surely? Plus, he’s compensating them in secret… she’ll never know regardless.

    Why does he have to be French? What difference does that make to the story?

    You referred to them as “his victims” but, since you only describe him as a disgraced stockbroker, what are they the victim of?

    Why does he have to win her heart anyway? It doesn’t deal with his disgraced past or absolve him in any way. He isn’t described as lonely, or looking for a partner.

    I think the idea of a repentant stockbroker helping forming clients who he’s taken advantage of through, say, the crash of 2008, is a good idea. I think the romance side of it feels disconnected. To me, it seems he’s treating this woman in the same way he treated his former clients. How will the audience be on his side?

    There’s something in here, but I think it needs work.

    Hope this helps.

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  2. Posted: March 29, 2020In: Crime

    A radio host finds herself caught between a mob boss, her boyfriend, a prostitute, drug lord and a CIA agent through a drug deal gone wrong.

    Mike Pedley Singularity
    Added an answer on March 30, 2020 at 12:14 am

    What's the theme that holds all these strands together? With every story that has multiple protagonists and interwoven stories, there MUST be something that runs through each individual story. This must be evident in the logline.

    What’s the theme that holds all these strands together? With every story that has multiple protagonists and interwoven stories, there MUST be something that runs through each individual story. This must be evident in the logline.

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  3. Posted: March 26, 2020In: Horror

    A teenage rebellion girl(18) accepts her friend?s $500 challenge to stay alone all overnight in the graveyard and experience series of fearful activities but an abnormal force cannot let her escape from graveyard.

    Mike Pedley Singularity
    Added an answer on March 26, 2020 at 10:37 pm

    Why not? We have to know what she's up against. The challenge from the friend, whilst setting up why she's there, is like a precursor to the main event. Arguably the inciting incident is whatever appears that stops her from being able to leave. So we have to know what she's dealing with. So she's aRead more

    Why not? We have to know what she’s up against. The challenge from the friend, whilst setting up why she’s there, is like a precursor to the main event. Arguably the inciting incident is whatever appears that stops her from being able to leave. So we have to know what she’s dealing with.

    So she’s a teenage girl. Are we talking 13 or 19? Big difference! What’s her defining characteristic?

    What makes this plot different? As it currently stands, there is no hook. What is unique about this idea. That should be front and centre.

    Hope this helps.

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