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Many believe the most dreaded words in a hospital are ‘Code Blue, they are wrong. Although serious, they are not even close to those that strike fear in the most hardened hospital administrator: “We are about to exceed ‘Surge Capacity'”.
As mrliteral said. As an additional note, I had no idea that 'Code Blue' are the most dreaded words in a hospital. Why should I know that? Surely this is still a situation that does actually occur and, albeit rare, is still planned for and has a protocol to be followed. Without having the elements mRead more
As mrliteral said.
As an additional note, I had no idea that ‘Code Blue’ are the most dreaded words in a hospital. Why should I know that?
Surely this is still a situation that does actually occur and, albeit rare, is still planned for and has a protocol to be followed. Without having the elements mrliteral mentioned, it’s very difficult to know what the story actually is here and, more importantly, why is this a story worth telling.
See lessTwo directionless twenty-something bartenders are accidentally exposed to information about a fixed horse race and try to take advantage of this potential windfall without tipping their hand to the nasty thugs that planned the caper
Why two? Why not a single protagonist? At 35 words, it's not too long however I do think it could easily be shortened to make it more punchy. So they hear about a fixed horse race, go and place a bet, win big... I get that they don't want to make it obvious and they risk being caught but what else sRead more
Why two? Why not a single protagonist?
At 35 words, it’s not too long however I do think it could easily be shortened to make it more punchy.
So they hear about a fixed horse race, go and place a bet, win big… I get that they don’t want to make it obvious and they risk being caught but what else sustains the 90min+ runtime? I wonder if there is more story after they’ve won the bet. Surely if they win too big (since they’re young and probably greedy, that’s what I imagine has potentially happened) then there’ll be consequences to this? I feel like this is simply the tip of the iceberg and they should get dragged deep into a world they had no intention of finding themselves in.
I like the premise though. I’m based in the UK, so this feels Guy Ritchie-esque like Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels. No idea if that’s what you’re going for.
Go further… what happens next?
See lessRHSC (red-headed step child)
Richiev's version does, as you said, cut right to the heart of the plot. I think the inciting incident (of Richiev's version) could do with clarifying the relationship between the fatal accident and the father, and also the accident and the newlyweds. How those three elements relate to each other isRead more
Richiev’s version does, as you said, cut right to the heart of the plot. I think the inciting incident (of Richiev’s version) could do with clarifying the relationship between the fatal accident and the father, and also the accident and the newlyweds. How those three elements relate to each other is what the entire plot hangs on.
A logline shouldn’t be vague. What you’re aiming for (in my opinion) is for the what the reader sees in their head to be as close to yours as possible. As you mentioned yourself, it’s the specifics of the story that set it apart from other similar ideas.
After a body is discovered, a local law enforcer must track down the killer before others die.
Consider the above. It’s a bit vague, right? This logline could apply to countless crime dramas. The film I was imagining in my head was actually Jaws. Specificity is key!
Title: RHSC. In my opinion, I would consider other options. Using an acronym that isn’t part of everyday language, and I’m guessing, probably won’t have “(Red-Headed Step Child)” underneath, won’t mean a lot to people. The title is a really important element in this process and it must work really well with the logline. In my head, someone reads the title, then the logline, then back to the title, and understands 100% why that’s what this is called. I’m gonna use Jaws again – imagine you saw the title, then read a logline, then the title again – it makes perfect sense, right? If the logline focuses on the aftermath of a child’s death – absolutely understand why this child would be referenced in the title – something like “The Boy Next Door” would work really well (in my opinion). It’s a well-known phrase but you’re subverting the expectation straight out of the gate by making it about this kid’s death instead of a rom-com. If the logline makes it clear that this couple were involved in the death of the boy next door and the kid’s father wants revenge…. then you read the title again… makes sense to me.
Anyway… welcome to the site. Hope you stick around. Check out other people’s loglines, read the comments, and, ideally, add your own thoughts. The best way to develop your own skills is by learning to recognise common problems with other people’s loglines and then try (this is the tricky bit!) to apply what you’ve learnt to your next one. Loglines are really tough though – they have to do so much with so little and critiquing is sooooooo much easier than writing your own!
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