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After a plane crash strands him on a remote island, a hard-driving Fedex executive, who never had time for a personal life, now has all the time in the world to merely survive.
>>> In response to deborah_bA logline shouldn't deal with an internal goal. It should focus on the objective goal. The subjective goal can be hinted at but, visually speaking, if you said "makes an internal journey to the heart of what drives him" I'd be asking what that looks like on screeRead more
>>> In response to deborah_b
A logline shouldn’t deal with an internal goal. It should focus on the objective goal. The subjective goal can be hinted at but, visually speaking, if you said “makes an internal journey to the heart of what drives him” I’d be asking what that looks like on screen. “Survival on a desert island” I can picture no problem. It’s all about a reader understanding the plot. It’s designed to give producers an idea of budget, locations, cast, etc, etc. or in marketing to tell someone what sort of film they would be watching.
I didn’t see the “personal life” as the relevant bit. It was the “no time” that was key. That sets up the end of the logline. He didn’t even have time for a personal life before and now he has so much time to fill. The fact he didn’t make time for his personal life before this happened also sets him up with regret for him to deal with. That’s the bit that hints at the internal journey.
Your comments did make me think about writing loglines for established movies. It’s interesting reading your thoughts knowing you haven’t seen it. It also made me think about using the theme within a logline. Food for thought!
I’d highly recommend the movie! Tom Hanks is outstanding, what the writers did to ensure the audience knew his state of mind both visually and through dialogue was really clever, and, as dpg pointed out, the non Hollywood ending was really refreshing.
See lessAfter a plane crash strands him on a remote island, a hard-driving Fedex executive, who never had time for a personal life, now has all the time in the world to merely survive.
Really like how this is phrased.Is it worth suggesting that he also proactively tries to get off the island? He doesn't just accept he's stuck.?
Really like how this is phrased.
Is it worth suggesting that he also proactively tries to get off the island? He doesn’t just accept he’s stuck.?
See lessWhen in a village destroyed by war something in the shadows begins to haunt and torment him, a dreamy child must fight to survive and find some happiness along the way.
For coherence, I would rephrase to "In a village destroyed by war, when something...." A logline doesn't bother itself with the internal arc. The search for happiness doesn't need to be stated. However, if you changed "dreamy" to "sad" or "depressed" this hints at the internal arc. "Something in theRead more
For coherence, I would rephrase to “In a village destroyed by war, when something….”
A logline doesn’t bother itself with the internal arc. The search for happiness doesn’t need to be stated. However, if you changed “dreamy” to “sad” or “depressed” this hints at the internal arc.
“Something in the shadows” – I know this is only a short but it might be worth being a little more specific. You’ve only said this “something” haunts and torments him… not that it’s actually trying to end his life. I think this is quite important. Can I ask what it actually is that is haunting him?
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