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  1. Posted: March 11, 2020In: Drama

    A military veteran eagerly tries to start the next chapter of his life but runs into Murphy’s Law at pretty much every turn, testing his resiliency.

    Mike Pedley Singularity
    Added an answer on March 11, 2020 at 2:18 am

    This is incredibly vague. What, specifically, is happening to him? Next chapter... what's he trying to achieve? What's his objective goal? Life tests everybody's resiliency. Why is this guy any different? What makes this story one to watch? This protagonist one to want to succeed? What's the hook?

    This is incredibly vague. What, specifically, is happening to him? Next chapter… what’s he trying to achieve? What’s his objective goal?

    Life tests everybody’s resiliency. Why is this guy any different? What makes this story one to watch? This protagonist one to want to succeed? What’s the hook?

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  2. Posted: March 10, 2020In: Examples

    A frustrated California high-school senior navigates her final year as she struggles to earn a place at an East Coast college and gain some independence from her overbearing mother.

    Mike Pedley Singularity
    Added an answer on March 10, 2020 at 6:51 pm

    I was trying to work out what the hook is and came to the conclusion that there isn't really one. It's the sort of film that could only get made if you've got a bit of street cred in the industry. As for the inciting incident, I almost went with something like "When her overbearing mother wants herRead more

    I was trying to work out what the hook is and came to the conclusion that there isn’t really one. It’s the sort of film that could only get made if you’ve got a bit of street cred in the industry.

    As for the inciting incident, I almost went with something like “When her overbearing mother wants her to go to a West Coast college” but I almost feel like it’s simplifying everything a little. I feel like her desire to go to college in New York is a response to everything in her life that she is unsatisfied with, not just her mother.

    “Frustrated” – I’m not completely happy with this word. I would say that she is unsure of her place in the world, desperately wants to be seen as independent but frequently makes decisions that suggest she wants to fit in too. If anyone can suggest something better than “frustrated” I’m open to suggestions.

    The thing I really loved about this film is the ending. It’s refreshing to not see that clich?d run through the airport for a meaningful goodbye, and similarly it was refreshing for her mother to not pick up the phone. It’s a happy ending but more so for the audience than Lady Bird and her mother. It perfectly sums up their I-love-you-but-I-can’t-stand-you relationship that is at the centre of this film.

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  3. Posted: March 5, 2020In: Coming of Age

    A teenager must confront the father she put in prison before he wreacks havoc on her life and ruins her first chance at love.

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    Mike Pedley Singularity
    Added an answer on March 6, 2020 at 7:04 pm

    "A teenager is targetted by the ex-con father that?blames her for his arrest, and must risk being rejected by everyone she loves when she exposes her complicity in her?father?s terrible crimes." Targeted how? What is he going to do to her? Specificity is key (most of the time) in a logline. I couldRead more

    “A teenager is targetted by the ex-con father that?blames her for his arrest, and must risk being rejected by everyone she loves when she exposes her complicity in her?father?s terrible crimes.”

    Targeted how? What is he going to do to her? Specificity is key (most of the time) in a logline. I could imagine that her father was trying to kill her, or that he was trying to simply expose her and, to me, that’s two very different types of film.

    I agree with mrliteral – why would she expose her complicity if the impact of that would so detrimental? She’s not being forced to by anyone so why do it?

    Currently, she has no objective goal. What is she trying to achieve?

    I also agree with mrliteral about the genre. I don’t see how this is a Coming of Age movie.

    (I haven’t read previous comments or versions of this logline so my comments are solely based on this one).

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