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A man with multiple personality disorder is being held captive by a murderous cult or his own personalities. He must rescue a girl who may or may not exist and escape.
>>>We never see anyone on screen except the protagonist. Ahhh... it makes a little more sense to me now! That's really difficult to put in a logline then! I think the logline potentially needs to be worded in such a way so it's obvious that he's the only person we see on screen. I've alwaysRead more
>>>We never see anyone on screen except the protagonist.
Ahhh… it makes a little more sense to me now! That’s really difficult to put in a logline then! I think the logline potentially needs to be worded in such a way so it’s obvious that he’s the only person we see on screen. I’ve always assumed that there will be multiple characters, the girl especially. Particularly since you said “The girl is discovered while he is trying to escape. He just can?t leave her.” and “While escaping he finds a girl”. That suggests we see her on screen.
My assumption is, by saying “mysterious cult or his own personalities” and “may or may not exist”, it suggests that the protagonist is trying to figure out between these two options. Whereas, actually, based on previous stuff you’ve said he believes he’s being held captive and we don’t discover it’s by his own personalities until the end. Describing him as a someone with multiple personality disorder gives away the ending in my head.
So with this in mind, how about:
When he wakes up in a cell to the sounds of a girl being tortured, a resourceful amnesiac must?rescue her and?escape while piecing together the clues and his flashbacks to uncover the disturbing truth about his captors.?
If he hears the girl at the MPR, then:
When he wakes up in a cell, a resourceful amnesiac must find a way to escape, but when he hears a girl being tortured he must find and rescue her as he pieces together the clues and his flashbacks to uncover the disturbing truth about his captors.
Does this help at all? Is it any closer?
See lessWhen a hexed cat?s paw infects a browbeaten teenager with volatile supernatural abilities, her only hope of purging the infection is a ragtag coven, but when they teach her some control of the power by improving her self-esteem, she goes rogue to exact revenge on her tormentors.
Hi Trix, I was about to say... "lethal?" hahaha. I was thinking, if she learns to control her power with the help of this coven, why would she want to get rid of it. Now that makes sense. I'm going to waffle a bit... apologies in advance: Ok... so... I can't help but think this plot is the wrong wayRead more
Hi Trix,
I was about to say… “lethal?” hahaha. I was thinking, if she learns to control her power with the help of this coven, why would she want to get rid of it. Now that makes sense.
I’m going to waffle a bit… apologies in advance:
Ok… so… I can’t help but think this plot is the wrong way round. In my head, we see her as being abused and bullied by people, then she discover the cat’s paw and through this gains supernatural abilities. Her powers are uncontrolled, so when she’s really upset the powers flow out of her involuntarily (kinda like Harry Potter) but has the desired effect. She suddenly becomes feared by all her tormentors, tales of her abilities have spread and people are afraid of her. In the internal arc she mistakes this for respect… or perhaps she’s not bullied, she’s simply ignored? Either way, it’s either respect she wants or to be seen. She’s then approached by a witch from the coven who gives her the news that this power, if left unchecked will kill her and she must be purged. Now she’s in a dilemma. She seeks out the coven for help and they begin training her to help her control the powers but, like Star Wars and Harry Potter, she is emotional so the powers have a way of exploding out of her, and killing her a little more every day. So we get to the final act — it really depends what the message here is going to be. Maybe, given that the two storylines need to be resolved, the only thing that can save her has something to do with her parents – she has to forgive them and let go of that anger towards them but in turn, do something that makes them change too. If they’re neglecting her, it’s probably easier to do. If they’re abusive, the audience is just going to want them to get punished. But the whole being neglected kinda makes sense when her powers get her noticed.
The first part of Act II (assuming a three act structure) is the fun and games – what could be more fun than watching this neglected girl get revenge using her powers. Act II part 2 is where things get serious – the powers become stronger and more unwieldy and she hurts people she cares about (she needs a best friend character… or a dog/cat – cat & witches…. familiar?)…. in my head, flipping it round makes perfect sense both internally and externally.
When a hexed cat’s paw gives her volatile supernatural abilities, a neglected and bullied teenager exacts revenge on her parents and tormentors, but after discovering the powers are killing her, she seeks help from a coven of witches before she’s consumed. (41 words)
I would love it if the finale is her seemingly dying in her parents arms (intercut with the coven casting some spell or something) but then it cuts to a few months down the line, she’s still alive and seemingly has a happier family life. But when her parents are out of the room, she does something that suggests she might still have her powers. Begs for a sequel!
Anyway… just my musings. Hope it’s of some help.
See lessWhen a hexed cat?s paw infects a browbeaten teenager with volatile supernatural abilities, her only hope of purging the infection is a ragtag coven, but when they teach her some control of the power by improving her self-esteem, she goes rogue to exact revenge on her tormentors.
The inciting incident in any story where the hero gets supernatural abilities is not the introduction of the superpower, but the appearance of the villain. In this case, for the end goal (post MPR) to be "exact revenge on her tormentors", the I.I. is what happens to her that gives her her desire forRead more
The inciting incident in any story where the hero gets supernatural abilities is not the introduction of the superpower, but the appearance of the villain. In this case, for the end goal (post MPR) to be “exact revenge on her tormentors”, the I.I. is what happens to her that gives her her desire for revenge. Without that, we have no idea why she wants revenge. We need a motive.
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See less