1. Posted: February 10, 2020In:

    Set against the Sierra Nevada foothills of the Gold Rush era where newly dominant white settlers rule, a young Mexican woman discovers she comes from a line of rebels led by folk-hero outlaw Joaquin Murieta. Nurtured by a cross-dressing Chinese madam and fueled by the unfair murder of her family, she recruits a wild bunch of female warriors to plot one of the most audacious rebellions the new state of California has ever seen.

    Mike Pedley Singularity

    There's a lot this story can say that's incredibly relevant to modern day. Is there any truth to this? From a logline perspective, yours is simply too long and full of unnecessary details. Richiev's version is great. For further understanding about formatting and why Richiev has structured his the wRead more

    There’s a lot this story can say that’s incredibly relevant to modern day.

    Is there any truth to this?

    From a logline perspective, yours is simply too long and full of unnecessary details. Richiev’s version is great. For further understanding about formatting and why Richiev has structured his the way he has and omitted stuff, check out the Formula page.

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  2. Posted: February 10, 2020In:

    When a Papuan native girl enters service in Sydney and meets a spoiled rich boy who becomes seriously ill, she must convince him that to survive he must adopt an ancient native tradition.

    Mike Pedley Singularity

    I agree with Richiev. This is tough because of the amount of expositional stuff needed. As Richiev hinted at, I think the story should take them out of Australia and back to her home. That is more interesting than her sitting by his bedside trying to convince him to adopt this tradition. Does he surRead more

    I agree with Richiev. This is tough because of the amount of expositional stuff needed.

    As Richiev hinted at, I think the story should take them out of Australia and back to her home. That is more interesting than her sitting by his bedside trying to convince him to adopt this tradition. Does he survive?

    I think the message that you want to convey is key to constructing the plot and logline. Is it a film about faith? Tradition? Trust? innocence? Love?

    I think the boy should be seriously ill from the start.

    With the goal, I feel that “convince him” could be stronger. Once he agrees, her goal is done. Ultimately, her goal is actually to save him.

    Interesting idea. I look forward to seeing where it goes.

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  3. Posted: February 7, 2020In:

    In a future post-apocalypse society, where reproduction is only for ?the worthy?, a young woman chosen for reproduction must convince her leaders to spare her life after announcing that she doesn?t want to have children.

    Best Answer
    Mike Pedley Singularity

    I think you have a really interesting situation BUT the goal of simply convincing her leaders is a bit weak. You've got this really cool post-apocalyptic setting, but all the action could take place in one room. There is the potential for SO much more! Easiest option - she runs away and they start hRead more

    I think you have a really interesting situation BUT the goal of simply convincing her leaders is a bit weak. You’ve got this really cool post-apocalyptic setting, but all the action could take place in one room. There is the potential for SO much more!

    Easiest option – she runs away and they start hunting her. Now that’s more like it! Obviously whilst out on the run, she discovers a community on the edge of society that do things their own way, everyone can live the life they choose and they take her in. Chances are she meets a guy there and her views start changing, but then her presence there threatens this small community… etc etc.

    From a logline perspective though it’s pretty good.

    In a post-apocalyptic future where reproduction is only for “the worthy”, after announcing she doesn’t want children, an independent young woman, chosen for reproduction, becomes a fugitive with a bounty on her head as she seeks to live her life as she chooses.?

    Given how much is currently going on in the world about what women choose to do with their bodies is their choice, the #MeToo movements, etc etc. it’s the perfect time for a film like this.

    Good work!

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