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When a man?s romantic attentions are ignored by a woman for many years he lures her into a secret meeting with a messenger who proposes an idyllic rendezvous.
He battles with the daughter? Like they have swordfights? What does the daughter have to do with anything? This makes it sound like she's the focus of the story, about a guy who just can't get it through his head some woman isn't interested in him...so again, what is is this about?
He battles with the daughter? Like they have swordfights? What does the daughter have to do with anything? This makes it sound like she’s the focus of the story, about a guy who just can’t get it through his head some woman isn’t interested in him…so again, what is is this about?
See lessA thirty-something manchild, desperate to get his recently-dumped best friend laid, takes him to a party where his friend falls for a woman who only wants sex, whilst he falls in love for the first time? with his friend?s ex-fiance.
Impossible to follow due to pronoun overload and a multitude of characters...we can't tell who wants what or is trying to do what for whom, who's feeling what, who's doing what action...all the commas don't help either. It's got to be clear and straightforward.
Impossible to follow due to pronoun overload and a multitude of characters…we can’t tell who wants what or is trying to do what for whom, who’s feeling what, who’s doing what action…all the commas don’t help either. It’s got to be clear and straightforward.
See less“A fateful accident tries to separate a love without limits between an emerging artist and a promising lawyer, but fate and science will help that love to continue living in one body to fulfill the dreams of both.”
Doesn't tell us what the story is, who the people involved are,? what they want, or what's stopping them. Protagonist, antagonist, conflict stakes. Also, how can an accident try to do something? It's a non-entity. The whole thing is vague and unclear. Give us specifics.
Doesn’t tell us what the story is, who the people involved are,? what they want, or what’s stopping them. Protagonist, antagonist, conflict stakes. Also, how can an accident try to do something? It’s a non-entity. The whole thing is vague and unclear. Give us specifics.
See less