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It’s 2151 and a bio scientist finds herself in the middle of the largest coverup in history. She begins a race against time to expose her former CEO?s deceit or else mankind changes forever.
I've read all the comments, responses, & alternate loglines in this thread and still don't have much of an idea what the story is about. You're all making it too complicated. Be specific without going into too much detail. Be clear without giving everything away. Just give us the basics and makeRead more
I’ve read all the comments, responses, & alternate loglines in this thread and still don’t have much of an idea what the story is about. You’re all making it too complicated. Be specific without going into too much detail. Be clear without giving everything away. Just give us the basics and make it sound interesting. Protagonist, antagonist, conflict, stakes. What’s actually happening, and why does it matter? Also verify the necessity of various apostrophes; that’s just making it messier.
See lessHounded by debt collectors, a brassy small-time hustler solves her money woes by becoming a debt collector herself.
If you were to separate the logline into sections and identify the most compelling aspect of it, the thing that would make someone interested..."Hounded by debt collectors" does not win that prize. It may be the "hook" in the sense that it's the situation a reader or viewer finds compelling, but witRead more
If you were to separate the logline into sections and identify the most compelling aspect of it, the thing that would make someone interested…”Hounded by debt collectors” does not win that prize. It may be the “hook” in the sense that it’s the situation a reader or viewer finds compelling, but without an equally compelling protagonist, it means nothing.
If the logline read “Hounded by debt collectors, a rather average person becomes a debt collector herself” – who would care? The fact she starts doing the thing being done to her is not what’s interesting. People respond to CHARACTERS, because characters are people and so are we. The hook of your logline is the brassy small-time hustler. It doesn’t necessarily matter, at first, what she’s involved in; SHE’S the reason to read the script!
It’s why we have movie stars — getting a big name above the title is what makes people want to see the movie. Do you remember what Dwayne Johnson’s “Skyscraper” was about? I don’t! Most of the people who went to see it had no idea what it was about! They just saw ads with The Rock blowing up shit and said yeah, I wanna see that!
So don’t think of your hook as being the story element that’s most compelling…your hook is the thing that makes people interested. No one cares about a bank robbery as a conflict, but when a clown robs a bank…that’s interesting! Then they cast Bill Murray and we get Quick Change.
So in this particular case, tell me you have a brassy small-hustler, and I’m already interested in what she’s doing, what’s happening to her. If what you tell me next is compelling and filled with conflict, I’m in! I want to know more! That’s what the logline is for.
A strong character is nearly always more compelling than their conflict, though ideally the combination is what really sells the concept. You say that sometimes the situation is more of a hook than the person dealing with it — yes, sometimes. But rarely. We’re talking Jurassic Park level conflict here. Most of the time you’re gonna want to introduce a compelling character, then tell us what their conflict is. You have a compelling character and a good introduction — don’t hold her back, put her up front!
I mentioned this in my post, which is still under Latest News And Notices as The Case For An Updated Formula — most movies introduce their characters prior to their conflicts. A logline should do the same, or you’re weakening interest in your story. If you wouldn’t write the script that way, don’t write the logline that way.
See lessHounded by debt collectors, a brassy small-time hustler solves her money woes by becoming a debt collector herself.
"Hounded by debt collectors, a brassy small-time hustler solves her money woes by becoming a debt collector herself." And then what? If the logline specifies how she solves her problem, then what's the problem? What's the conflict? Why is this logline even phrased this way? You could use the exact sRead more
“Hounded by debt collectors, a brassy small-time hustler solves her money woes by becoming a debt collector herself.”
And then what? If the logline specifies how she solves her problem, then what’s the problem? What’s the conflict?
Why is this logline even phrased this way? You could use the exact same words in a different order and make it much more impactful: “A brassy small-time hustler hounded by debt collectors solves her money woes by becoming a debt collector herself.” I’ll never understand why people insist on keeping their loglines weak by not starting with the protagonist and adding in commas for no reason.
Even doing that, it still raises too many questions for the story to be clear. If she owes people money and they’re after her, why would she not already have collected the debts that are owed her? Or does her becoming a debt collector mean she works for somebody else, collecting the money that somebody else is owed in order to pay off her own debts? If she’s such a small-time hustler how is it she has debts worth collecting? And again, what exactly is at stake here if the solution to her problem is presented up front? There seems to be no obstacle for her, if solving her money woes is so easy it can be summed up in the logline.
You’ve got to give her more of a challenge, or if she actually has one in the script, at least tell us what it is…I mean you might as well put “The End” after the logline because it doesn’t sound like there’s any more to the story than that. A logline should sum up the first half; tell us what happens to the midpoint — what’s her problem, how does she intend to solve it? If you tell us how she solves it, what else is there to tell?
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