1. Posted: October 26, 2013In:

    When a young Chicano male meets up with a beautiful cultured Salsa dancer two dissimilar worlds collide to form one incredible dance duo.

    NatureBucket

    You haven?t given them any obstacles or anything to overcome. Why does it matter that they?ve become an incredible dance duo? What are their goals? Are they trying to win a competition and use the prize money to buy grandma?s house back from the IRS? Do they have to beat Shooter McGavin... I mean, sRead more

    You haven?t given them any obstacles or anything to overcome. Why does it matter that they?ve become an incredible dance duo? What are their goals?

    Are they trying to win a competition and use the prize money to buy grandma?s house back from the IRS? Do they have to beat Shooter McGavin… I mean, some jerk nemesis, to do it??

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  2. Posted: October 26, 2013In:

    After her brother is gunned down by a notorious Hispanic gang, a young woman grows up to become an undercover detective and infiltrates the deadly gang to bring them to justice.

    NatureBucket

    Even though similar ideas have been done before, I?m not sure if it?s ever been done with a woman as the person infiltrating a gang. It would be interesting to see this story from a female perspective, see how she would do the infiltrating and what her role within the gang would be. I think this logRead more

    Even though similar ideas have been done before, I?m not sure if it?s ever been done with a woman as the person infiltrating a gang. It would be interesting to see this story from a female perspective, see how she would do the infiltrating and what her role within the gang would be.

    I think this log line is good and has all the necessary components, but I don?t like the wording of grows up.? What if you just say, …a young detective goes undercover to infiltrate the deadly gang.?

    Also, I think it?s implied that her intentions are to bring the gang to justice and maybe you want to avoid using the word gang? twice. Maybe something like:

    After her brother is gunned down by a notorious gang, a young detective goes undercover to infiltrate the criminal underworld.

    Or maybe “criminal organization?”

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  3. Posted: October 26, 2013In:

    When the overbearing family of a recently deceased young woman refuses to acknowledge her undocumented funeral wishes, her lackadaisical boyfriend must dig up the body in the middle of the night and embark on an odyssey to give her the burial she wanted, finally learning to fully appreciate her along the way.

    NatureBucket

    Thanks a lot for your help and interest in this log line. Even though listless is similar to lackadaisical, they aren?t exactly the same and I chose to use the latter because it more accurately describes his characteristics. This is someone who lacks determination or follow through. He has great intRead more

    Thanks a lot for your help and interest in this log line.

    Even though listless is similar to lackadaisical, they aren?t exactly the same and I chose to use the latter because it more accurately describes his characteristics. This is someone who lacks determination or follow through. He has great intentions, he talks a lot of shit, but he never follows through with anything. His girlfriend has recently been on his case about this and he fears she will continue to harass him about it if he doesn?t follow through with carrying out her burial wishes.

    I used fearing being haunted? for a couple reasons. It doesn?t necessarily refer to being haunted by a ghost. People can be haunted by many things, like a memory. The main character does fear being haunted by a ghost, but it?s more than that. He fears that the person he loves more than anything in the world will never be put to rest the way she wanted because of his in ability to do anything he says he will. He fears he will always hear her disappointment resonating in his head. He does imagine seeing a ghost and perhaps believes it will follow him around forever, but it?s more of a manifestation of his fear and guilt rather than a traditional haunting by a ghost.

    I?m not completely sure, but I think the family should be included in the log line since they are the antagonists in the story. Also, I didn?t intend to make the character a teenager, instead someone closer to his mid twenties.

    I probably should move fearing being haunted? to the end of the log line. I?ll see if I can figure out how to do that. ??

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