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When an alien hunts a woman, she must stop the alien and save the ones captured by him.
Agreed with Craig and Richiev, worth noting that a story should be described within a given time frame - a starting point (inciting incident) and end point (goal). By writing "...an alien hunts a woman..." you're not describing a single incident or point in time rather a period of time - how long haRead more
Agreed with Craig and Richiev, worth noting that a story should be described within a given time frame – a starting point (inciting incident) and end point (goal). By writing “…an alien hunts a woman…” you’re not describing a single incident or point in time rather a period of time – how long has the hunt been going on for and how long will it go on for?
Best to use more time specific rhetoric in a logline such as: After an alien attacks a woman…
See lessDuring a medieval LARP Event in a remote forest, a group of friends is looking for rescue as something within the woods is haunting and capturing the peoples minds and lets them feel the urge to commit suicide.
Agreed with the above. All descriptions in a logline need to be clear to a reader without the need for research, putting it another, describe the LARP event instead of naming it. Grammar aside, the logline doesn't describe the characters as active rather as passive - waiting to be rescued, stories aRead more
Agreed with the above.
All descriptions in a logline need to be clear to a reader without the need for research, putting it another, describe the LARP event instead of naming it.
Grammar aside, the logline doesn’t describe the characters as active rather as passive – waiting to be rescued, stories are best told about active characters in pursuit of goals. Why not make it so these characters fight the entity or find a way to trap it instead of haplessly standing around waiting for someone else to take action and save them?
Last thing, which of the characters in the group is the most acitve one? Make him or her the main character and focus the logline on his or her actions.
See lessAn engineer of peace have to lead war against the machines when the established, human safe heaven on mars gets threatened by the past.
This strongly resembles The Terminator premise - this will be a tough sell. In any event, the details need clarification. What specific event pushes the MC to need to defeat the robots? Did they kill his mother, lover or friend? Did they land an invasion force on Mars? Whatever it is that made him hRead more
This strongly resembles The Terminator premise – this will be a tough sell.
In any event, the details need clarification. What specific event pushes the MC to need to defeat the robots? Did they kill his mother, lover or friend? Did they land an invasion force on Mars?
Whatever it is that made him have to take action, it needs to be clearly described in the logline.
The MC leading a war is too vague and unspecific. What does the MC want? Peace with the robots? To destroy them all? To change the source code in their central computer? Whatever it is he wants to do, or in other words, his goal also needs to be clearly described in the logline.
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