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  1. Posted: September 27, 2015In: Drama

    A gangster keen to keep street credibility and protect his boss who wants to go legit will do anything including killing the bosses son.

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on September 27, 2015 at 11:57 am

    So who is the MC?

    So who is the MC?

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  2. Posted: September 26, 2015In: War

    Adapted from the book The Last Stand of Fox Company about a real battle over six nights in subfreezing temperatures during the Korean War: A brainy captain and 250 inexperienced Marines defend a vital evacuation route against an invading horde of Chinese soldiers to save another 8,000 Marines from annihilation.

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on September 27, 2015 at 11:39 am

    The concept has a lot of potential with high stakes and a clear danger that needs little explanation. I believe that with the exception of M.A.S.H there have been few main stream successful films made about the Korean war so the subject mater could prove to be an interesting addition to the war genrRead more

    The concept has a lot of potential with high stakes and a clear danger that needs little explanation. I believe that with the exception of M.A.S.H there have been few main stream successful films made about the Korean war so the subject mater could prove to be an interesting addition to the war genre.

    The logline construct is a problem as it doesn’t read well due to lack of grammatical refining and well described plot points.? What is the starting point of the story? What propelled the MC into action? What is the inciting incident?
    Could it be the death of the commanding officer which was leading the fight to keep the route open that made the marksmanship instructor take command?

    What is his flaw ? What is going to be the MC’s journey of change throughout the story?
    It is this that will make this a moving story to watch.

    His goal s to keep the evacuation rout open this much is clear but the story cold greatly benefit from an antagonist that is motivated in direct opposition to the MC. Could there be a specific Korean commander you could describe as the antagonist the MC is up against?

    As this is an adaptation from book to screen you should feel free to dramatize the conflicts, actions and struggles with visual events. Point is you don’t have to stick to the original story page for page because you will likely have to make significant changes to make the story work for cinema.

    Hope this helps.

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  3. Posted: September 27, 2015In: Drama

    A gangster keen to keep street credibility and protect his boss who wants to go legit will do anything including killing the bosses son.

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on September 27, 2015 at 11:03 am

    This logline fails to describe a plot as it lacks an inciting incident and goal. What does the gangster want to achieve specifically? He wants "street cred" but what does this look like? What does it mean? A second problem is that there are two potential goals mentioned "...keen to keep street crediRead more

    This logline fails to describe a plot as it lacks an inciting incident and goal.

    What does the gangster want to achieve specifically? He wants “street cred” but what does this look like? What does it mean?

    A second problem is that there are two potential goals mentioned “…keen to keep street credibility…” and “…protect his boss…” which one is his primary goal that will drive him to take action in the story?

    The description of the boss wanting to “…go legit…” is redundant as it is the inner journey goal of the boss not the main character.

    Lastly why does he now need to keep his “street cred”? What made him need to do anything at the start of the story? What is the inciting incident?

    Hope this helps.

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