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A widowed father desperately searches for his missing child when an unexpected incident with a biker gang puts his life and those of his friends in danger.
The structure of the logline works against itself try placing the inciting incident first i.e: After his daughter is taken by a biker gang a widowed father must find save her before the gang leader gets to her. Additionally child sounds impersonal and generic try daughter or son instead. The incitinRead more
The structure of the logline works against itself try placing the inciting incident first i.e:
After his daughter is taken by a biker gang a widowed father must find save her before the gang leader gets to her.
Additionally child sounds impersonal and generic try daughter or son instead.
The inciting incident (literally labeled as such…)? “…an unexpected incident…” is to vague for a logline what was the incident specifically? It is the specifics and the nature of them which will make this a dramatic moment that motivates the MC to take action.
Lastly you hint at more than one goal: find the child, save his own life and his friends life, better to pick one. What is the primary goal? The A plot goal? Let this spear head your narrative and elevate the concept in the logline.
Hope this helps.
See lessTrish Humphries a self-absorbed news reporter who just moved to New York finally gets her own talk show. She thinks it’s in a big network, but it’s really just public access. Now she has to learn how to work with her new team and balance her open relationship with her three boyfriends while pursuing her dream to be famous.
Agreed with most of the above but must point out that the irony of her landing a gig on a public access network instead of a big commercial one isn't needed in the logline because it doesn't relate to the plot. I would embellish her character flaw by adding arrogant then the humour will be hinted atRead more
Agreed with most of the above but must point out that the irony of her landing a gig on a public access network instead of a big commercial one isn’t needed in the logline because it doesn’t relate to the plot.
I would embellish her character flaw by adding arrogant then the humour will be hinted at if you describe that much to her disappointment the gig is on a public access network.
Most importantly cut the love interests sub plots and specify her goal something that ties into the inciting incident of her discovery that the gig is in a public access network. Perhaps she tries to raise the ratings and compete with the local commercial network or something to that effect that she must fight to achieve.
Hope this helps.
See lessCopernicus’ Secret: It takes a lifetime for Nicolaus Copernicus to re-write our understanding of the Universe but plagued by self-doubt and fear, he’s unwilling to publish until a Protestant Professor risks imprisonment to convince him to publish.
I would normally agree with the idea that clear stakes as derived from a do or die situation should be preferenced. However, in this instance I seam to find the subject matter intriguing when drawing an analogy to present day science V religion arguments regardless the data specific implications. AnRead more
I would normally agree with the idea that clear stakes as derived from a do or die situation should be preferenced. However, in this instance I seam to find the subject matter intriguing when drawing an analogy to present day science V religion arguments regardless the data specific implications. Any data driven scientific research that is opposed by a belief system of sorts can be seen as an analogy for example stem cell research being delayed? for decades by religious groups, genetic modifications in food sources being resisted by people who believe it is wrong and anti immunization groups.
It is the personal struggles that will be dramatized in Copernicus’ story that will make it a compelling journey and the grand meaning of the argument that will make it relevant for today’s audiences.
The logline itself though lacks a clear definition of the plot and stakes at hand. Best to specify the inciting incident and goal for Copernicus and clearly mention the stakes.
Hope this helps.
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