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A animal activist discovers human experiments not animal during a raid. She must survive murderous security to rescue a test subject and tell the world the truth.
It feels as if the goal doesn't match up to the inciting incident. In the best of stories the tension rises over the coarse of the plot, in this instance it doesn't read as such. Perhaps she needs to stop the bad guys herself instead of just telling the world the truth. Secondly "...must survive murRead more
It feels as if the goal doesn’t match up to the inciting incident. In the best of stories the tension rises over the coarse of the plot, in this instance it doesn’t read as such.
Perhaps she needs to stop the bad guys herself instead of just telling the world the truth.
Secondly “…must survive murderous security…” is too generic a description for her main action why not make her get involved as a test patient or apply for a job as a lab assist.
It would read better if there was a sadistic scientist she would be up against or any character to that matter with a disturbing tendency that can make them unique. The antagonist description will make her story more interesting and her challenge greater.
See lessA hard-boiled bank auditor struggles to outwit a colleague and onetime master thief bent on sinking the bank for perceived negligence that wrongfully landed him in jail.
What is the event that makes the main character need to save her job? This event is what will set her off on her journey, and therefore, it's vital to the story. The event needs to be significant enough to push a character to take extreme actions, and must also connect with the goal in a cause and eRead more
What is the event that makes the main character need to save her job? This event is what will set her off on her journey, and therefore, it’s vital to the story.
The event needs to be significant enough to push a character to take extreme actions, and must also connect with the goal in a cause and effect relationship. In addition the goal is unclear, as “…outwit…” is a generic description which lacks detail. What SPECIFICALLY must she do, in order to outwit the bad guy? Technically speaking, most main characters outwit the bad guys in their stories, so without detailing a unique action? the plot is vague.
See lessA hard-boiled bank auditor struggles to outwit a colleague and onetime master thief bent on sinking the bank for perceived negligence that wrongfully landed him in jail.
The second draft of the logline still fails to describe a plot. What does the MC actually want to achieve? In specific terms, what are the details that will make up his success in out-witting the bad guy? The problem is you are describing the main action the main character takes as a struggle, but aRead more
The second draft of the logline still fails to describe a plot.
What does the MC actually want to achieve? In specific terms, what are the details that will make up his success in out-witting the bad guy?
The problem is you are describing the main action the main character takes as a struggle, but as this is entirely generic it befits the description of most main characters in most stories. What could make this story interesting, is the specific detail of this specific action that this specific MC will take.
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