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After the humongous planet destroying meteor vanishes from the sky right before impacting Earth, a troubled priest must help his congregation recover while dealing with the fact, at the moment the destruction of the earth was eminent he denied God.
Agreed with DPG, better to focus the logline on the priest's dramatic point of view. After denying the existence of god, when a life-destroying meteor threatens Earth, a priest must rediscover his faith after the threat vanishes and forces him to guide an influx of atheists into his congregation. IRead more
Agreed with DPG, better to focus the logline on the priest’s dramatic point of view.
After denying the existence of god, when a life-destroying meteor threatens Earth, a priest must rediscover his faith after the threat vanishes and forces him to guide an influx of atheists into his congregation.
I tried to illustrate the priest’s need’s causal connections to the events around him, as essentially the inciting incident is internal and while significant for a priest it still needs to be dramatized in it’s descriptions.
See lessWhen a poor girl from Redfern learns her brother has died in the War, she must keep his memory alive by playing his favourite game- Rugby League. Trouble is, it’s 1921.
The first sentence in the logline is a long way of saying - After her brother is killed... Every word counts in a logline.The logline has a clear starting point and a powerful motivator - death of a sibling, however it doesn't describe a specific goal. What does playing his favorite game mean? PlayRead more
The first sentence in the logline is a long way of saying – After her brother is killed…
Every word counts in a logline.
The logline has a clear starting point and a powerful motivator – death of a sibling, however it doesn’t describe a specific goal. What does playing his favorite game mean? Play for 1 minute? 5 minutes? Win the grand final? What is the specific goal the main character has in her sight?
Secondly the logic that connects the inciting incident, motivation and goal is lost on me. Why must she play the game to keep his memory alive? Is there anything specific about her playing footy that will be clearly and directly connected to his memory? Perhaps she decides to hide his death from the game’s officials and then pose as her brother to get his name immortalized on the grand final trophy or sport hall of fame.
Lastly period pieces are much more expensive to produce and are less likely to get made, why not rewrite it in modern day? Unfortunately war, racism and sexism are still around.
See lessWhen a Hollywood actor, trying to escape his notoriety, takes a break in a small Australian town, he forms a bond with a local girl and must decide if he wants to return to his extraordinary but superficial life.
As usual well written response by DPG. I'll cross all digits in hopes you win big, mate. The fundamental problem with love/romance stories has been covered above, however, one note worth adding is that the action in these types of stories is often introduced by the force that keeps the lovers apart.Read more
As usual well written response by DPG.
I’ll cross all digits in hopes you win big, mate.
The fundamental problem with love/romance stories has been covered above, however, one note worth adding is that the action in these types of stories is often introduced by the force that keeps the lovers apart. What is it that’s keeping the actor and girl from being either emotionally or physically together? What ever it is needs to be described in the logline, as it will clarify what the struggle and therefore plot will be.
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