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After losing everything in a battle that he thought was to the death, The Gambler Fox is teleported from Mystic Post Medieval Ireland to Modern Day Las Vegas, Fox must learn to survive and live with a different type of people while looking for the one, Raven, who took everything from him and try to keep his reborn love, Vivian, from being killed a second time.
Agreed with Richiev. You have multiple inciting incidents and way too many words in the logline. Best you check out the 'Formula' tab on the top bar for basic logline conventions. You don't need to mention names, just character descriptions. More to the point, calling the MC "...Fox..." and his or hRead more
Agreed with Richiev. You have multiple inciting incidents and way too many words in the logline.
Best you check out the ‘Formula’ tab on the top bar for basic logline conventions.
You don’t need to mention names, just character descriptions. More to the point, calling the MC “…Fox…” and his or her opponent “…Raven…” makes it sound as if they are animals, but they’re described as human – this is confusing.
You need to simplify the descriptions in the logline to clear, simple and plot-critical only. Best you rethink this in terms of plot, and identify one inciting incident and one correlating goal.
See lessA well-known psychiatrist in a small town encounters with the mental status of different patients wanting to become professional writers, but he realizes that his advice to them won’t work.
Agreed with Richiev and DPG. The plot isn't clear, what specific event motivates him and what exactly is he motivated to do?
Agreed with Richiev and DPG.
The plot isn’t clear, what specific event motivates him and what exactly is he motivated to do?
See lessAfter the mysterious death of his colleague, a scientist discovers one of their test subject is awake to exact revenge on those involved in making him an undead
What will the scientist have to do as a result of the test subject waking up? That is his goal and needs to be described in the logline. More to the point, the test subject needs to be described in such a way that he or it becomes a clear obstacle for the scientist, otherwise it's not clear how theRead more
What will the scientist have to do as a result of the test subject waking up? That is his goal and needs to be described in the logline.
More to the point, the test subject needs to be described in such a way that he or it becomes a clear obstacle for the scientist, otherwise it’s not clear how the story will present a challenge for the MC.
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