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When a black high school football star mysteriously disappears, his four daring friends and their dog set out to find him, unraveling the dark secrets of their small town and a possible serial killer among the town?s elite.
This sounds like it could work as a contained thriller. However, much like the others, I don't see how the dog, or the ethnicity of the missing guy are relevant. If the main character's central problem was made worse by the race of the guy then it needs to be described in the logline in such a way.Read more
This sounds like it could work as a contained thriller. However, much like the others, I don’t see how the dog, or the ethnicity of the missing guy are relevant. If the main character’s central problem was made worse by the race of the guy then it needs to be described in the logline in such a way.
For example: After a black man goes missing in 1960 out back Australia, his best friend must fight a corrupt chief of police to find him.
Not a very good story, but it demonstrates how race can be used effectively in a logline – at that time in Australia helping black people would have been a lower priority for the police, this adds to the main character’s obstacle and therefore warrants including it in the logline.
Other than that, “…dark secret…” is generic, and as a result, vague. Best to give the antagonist a face and describe exactly what it is about the “bad guy” that makes them scary.
See less1969. While a family ‘s listening to the television that says the words: One small step for a man one giant leap for mankind, a misterious figure in a space suit steps in their house to tell them the truth about the moon landing.
Agreed with DPG and Richiev. Check out the 'Formula' tab on the top bar for more information about basic logline construction.
Agreed with DPG and Richiev.
Check out the ‘Formula’ tab on the top bar for more information about basic logline construction.
See lessWhen a reclusive, secretly psychic troubleshooter is threatened to do a job, or loose it, she and her ghostly toy T.Rex sidekick head to Berlin. When she “sees” the rail road company’s problem involves thiefs and Nazi’s, fixing this problem becomes a mission. I am sooo not done with this logline yet ( it is too long) but would love to hear your opinion on it. Greetings Mack I have put it in the superhero section because she has secret “powers”and fights evil (Nazi’s) with it.
Agreed with the above notes. The plot in the logline and subsequent revisions seems to lack focus. Normally this would be resolved with an inciting incident and a compelling goal, but the lack of these make the story come across as fragmented between her mental/emotional problems, job, and a 70 yearRead more
Agreed with the above notes.
The plot in the logline and subsequent revisions seems to lack focus. Normally this would be resolved with an inciting incident and a compelling goal, but the lack of these make the story come across as fragmented between her mental/emotional problems, job, and a 70 year old Nazi puzzle.
Which of these will be the ‘A’ plot – the main storyline in the film?
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