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When an ?typical couple of thieves, tempted by the promise of money, get mixed up in the love triangle of two witches and a king, they will have to risk their lives to ensure the gates of hell remain shut.
The wording is strange, but I think I understand what you mean. It sounds like the highest stakes lay in the door to hell, best to focus the logline on that and cut the rest out. As Richiev pointed out, you need to connect the inciting incident with the goal, so if the goal is to prevent hell from tRead more
The wording is strange, but I think I understand what you mean.
It sounds like the highest stakes lay in the door to hell, best to focus the logline on that and cut the rest out. As Richiev pointed out, you need to connect the inciting incident with the goal, so if the goal is to prevent hell from taking over, what is it that puts the world at risk of hell in the first place? What event was it that suddenly made it possible for hell to breach through the door?
See lessAfter sneaking out to attend the party of the year only to have things go horribly wrong, the straight-laced daughter of the police chief must employ criminal tactics to avoid being caught by the cops.
There are too many vague descriptions in the logline for the plot to be clear. What does "...party of the year..." mean? What does "...things go horribly wrong..." mean? What does "...employ criminal tactics..."? These descriptions are vague as they can mean any number of things, yet it's specific dRead more
There are too many vague descriptions in the logline for the plot to be clear.
What does “…party of the year…” mean? What does “…things go horribly wrong…” mean? What does “…employ criminal tactics…”? These descriptions are vague as they can mean any number of things, yet it’s specific detail that will make your plot clear and subsequently your story stand out.
See lessDesperate to keep her sister out of the drug trade a jaded girl makes one last drug run for her dealer who has set her up for a hit mistakenly suspecting she is a confidential informant.
You've posted this before - I remmebr the concept, which must mean something. I can't say this sounds like a sound premise, it comes across as unecessarily complex and lacking in a clear plot.What specific event motivates the drug runner to take action?What exactly is she wanting to achieve? What doRead more
You’ve posted this before – I remmebr the concept, which must mean something. I can’t say this sounds like a sound premise, it comes across as unecessarily complex and lacking in a clear plot.
What specific event motivates the drug runner to take action?
What exactly is she wanting to achieve? What does keep her sister out of the drug trade mean? Is there a definitive moment, event or objective that will make it clear her sister gets out of the drug trade?
I suppose that what’s confusing me is the lack of cause and effect between all the elments – what is it that happens to the MC that makes her want to save her sister and what specificaly does that mean?
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