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When a spaceship transporting colonists on a 90 year journey to a distant planet malfunctions causing a passenger to awaken from hibernation early, he must find a way to resume hibernation or die of old age.
This is a good concept to stretch ones loglineing muscles on because the premise needs as much an explanation as the plot - good choice. I haven't seen the film and so can only speculate on the story's particulars. It sounds, from the logline, as if the most immediate danger the MC faces is old age.Read more
This is a good concept to stretch ones loglineing muscles on because the premise needs as much an explanation as the plot – good choice.
I haven’t seen the film and so can only speculate on the story’s particulars. It sounds, from the logline, as if the most immediate danger the MC faces is old age.? Thinking about the concept alone would likely put most people to sleep, so what else was added to the story to increase the stakes? Did the authorities find out? Did the ship’s computer activate a system to try and kill him in fear that he may endanger the mission?
See lessAn ordinary biker girl sacrifices her extraordinary corporate career to win her love ; embarks on a solo Motorcycle quest of her inspirational soulmate.
Agreed with Richiev.I just read this post after having responded to the previous version, most of my comments still apply so bellow is my previous post.Bottom line is, it's not clear what specifically happens to the girl, why, what she wants and to what end.??This is both vague and confusing. SorryRead more
Agreed with Richiev.
I just read this post after having responded to the previous version, most of my comments still apply so bellow is my previous post.
Bottom line is, it’s not clear what specifically happens to the girl, why, what she wants and to what end.
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This is both vague and confusing. Sorry for the negative opening to my post, but the primary function of a logline is to clearly describe a plot, but in this case, the plot is unclear and the wording is confusing.
The main character is a biker girl ? good.
What is her inciting incident, or in other words, what motivates her to HAVE to take action for fear of something very bad happening?
What is her flaw, what is the characteristic that she must overcome over the course of the story?
Lastly, and most importantly, what is her goal? Without this last item there is no plot and without a plot there is no story.
I suggest you check out the ?Formula? tab for more information about constructing loglines.
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A passionate biker girl sacrifices her successful banking career for true love; embarks on a love quest of her inspirational soulmate who Architects her Motorcycle feat of a life time.
This is both vague and confusing. Sorry for the negative opening to my post, but the primary function of a logline is to clearly describe a plot, but in this case, the plot is unclear and the wording is confusing.The main character is a biker girl - good.What is her inciting incident, or in other woRead more
This is both vague and confusing. Sorry for the negative opening to my post, but the primary function of a logline is to clearly describe a plot, but in this case, the plot is unclear and the wording is confusing.
The main character is a biker girl – good.
What is her inciting incident, or in other words, what motivates her to HAVE to take action for fear of something very bad happening?
What is her flaw, what is the characteristic that she must overcome over the course of the story?
Lastly, and most importantly, what is her goal? Without this last item there is no plot and without a plot there is no story.
I suggest you check out the ‘Formula’ tab for more information about constructing loglines.
See less