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After a sudden string of cattle mutilations a group of hunters are employed by the community to find and kill the predator responsible. However after venturing deep into the woods the group soon discover something far more sinister then simply just a wild animal.
This same problem keeps coming up, and I find myself posting the same comment time and time again. It would greatly benefit you, and all new members, to read the 'Formula' tab up top and study other member's posts - you'll see a handful of common mistakes made by many writers, and this post was no eRead more
This same problem keeps coming up, and I find myself posting the same comment time and time again. It would greatly benefit you, and all new members, to read the ‘Formula’ tab up top and study other member’s posts – you’ll see a handful of common mistakes made by many writers, and this post was no exception.
DETAILS, DETAILS, DETAILS and clear ones at that!!!
Loglines are made out of CLEAR DETAILS that are causally connected, otherwise, it becomes a vague description of generic events. In your logline the description “…something far more sinister…” falls well and truly under this umbrella. A reader NEEDS to know what the sinister something is, if you don’t specify it, your telling them you don’t have a story, genre or plot and they should come up with it as they read it.
Details aside, the first sentence of the logline needs to be changed, it’s trying to describe an inciting incident but is too long and too impersonal. I think a fundamental problem with this concept is the lack of a motivating inciting incident. The hunters being hired to hunt is not unusual – it’s their job. What out of the ordinary event happens that beyond a doubt compels them to take action?
See lessIn the year 3,000 since the hell-break an ex-soldier is helping group of small weasel-like creatures to cross hostile continent in search for their homeland. Part of the payment he receives is not simply a toy like he believes in the beginning but a mysterious powerful entity.
As DPG wrote a reluctant hero is often a better approach, explained well by Chris Vogler in The Writer's Journey, as it imbues the decision the MC makes with significance and adds weight to their burden. However, the hero's reluctance doesn't need to be specified in the logline - it's not directly rRead more
As DPG wrote a reluctant hero is often a better approach, explained well by Chris Vogler in The Writer’s Journey, as it imbues the decision the MC makes with significance and adds weight to their burden. However, the hero’s reluctance doesn’t need to be specified in the logline – it’s not directly related to the plot and almost a given that there will be some reluctance.
See lessWhen a recluse, who can use his memories to transfer his consciousness into his younger self, remembers a fragment of a repressed memory pertaining to the night his mother was murdered, he undergoes therapy to restore it in full so he can go back and save her life.
Sounds like the 'hook' is his ability to transfer into his past, outside of this it's a simple story - mother's in danger and he goes to save her. Therefore the inciting incident should be him discovering clues as to how she died or who killed her. All the rest can be cut from the logline: A man whoRead more
Sounds like the ‘hook’ is his ability to transfer into his past, outside of this it’s a simple story – mother’s in danger and he goes to save her. Therefore the inciting incident should be him discovering clues as to how she died or who killed her.
All the rest can be cut from the logline:
See lessA man who can transfer his consciousness into his younger self discovers who killed his mother and must transfer back into his childhood to save her life.