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Locked in a secure decontamination unit, the amnesiac survivor of a mysterious spaceship crash must prove that she isn’t the alien doppelganger responsible.
The stakes are vague. What if she is? If she is found to be the alien is she facing a death sentence or jail term or indefinitely being held in the decon unit? What action will she take to prove she isn;t the alien? This will be most of what she does in act 2, and right now it feels a bit lean for aRead more
The stakes are vague.
What if she is? If she is found to be the alien is she facing a death sentence or jail term or indefinitely being held in the decon unit?
What action will she take to prove she isn;t the alien? This will be most of what she does in act 2, and right now it feels a bit lean for a whole feature length film.
See lessWhen the livestock of a small farming community comes under attack from a mysterious predator the sheriff gathers a coalition of the willing to venture into the woods to find and kill the animal. However as they trek further and further into the woods, they are killed off one by one and the sheriff, realizing one of them is the monster in disguise, must solve the mystery of who?s the killer. *This one feels messier then the previous one but how do I accentuate the details whilst still keeping it brief?
You've added more detail that shouldn't be added, didn't add detail that should, and at 77 words the logline is too long - brevity helps the reader understand your concept. In short, and seeing as it wasn't explained well enough, loglines are made up of clear details of the major plot points of theRead more
You’ve added more detail that shouldn’t be added, didn’t add detail that should, and at 77 words the logline is too long – brevity helps the reader understand your concept.
In short, and seeing as it wasn’t explained well enough, loglines are made up of clear details of the major plot points of the story. The farming community being small is irrelevant, who gathers the hunting party is irrelevant, it being a coalition of willing is irrelevant, where they will venture off to catch the beast is irrelevant, them trecking further and further into the woods is irrelevant.
The main character is relevant, you NEED one main character for the story to be focused on. I get that you have a story in mind about a few people hunting, but to make this work you need one dramatic point of view for the story to be told from.
Who is the main character in the group? Is it one of the farmers that lost animals, or better yet one of his or her children, to the beast? Is it the sheriff? Is it the leader of the hunting party?
Second is the inciting incident, what spurs the main character on to take action? In other words, what is the powerful motivating out of the ordinary event that makes the main character have to achieve a goal?
Segue in to…
The goal! Yes, it’s pretty obvious that the goal is to catch the beast, but you need to specify what this means – kill it, prevent other people or animals from being mutilated, banish it to hell. Whatever it is, specifically, that the main character intends to do must be described.
From the many iterations you’ve posted already, I have pieced together enough information to provide you with an example:
After his son is killed by a livestock mutilating beast, a farmer leads a hunting party to kill it and prevent more tragedies.
23 words.
Here is another example of the same concept that includes a form of twist:
See lessAfter her son is killed by a beast, a farmer leads a hunting party after it, but they are attacked and realize the beast is a shapeshifter amongst them.
29 words.
When her father is assassinated, a sheltered princess searches the land to learn magical arts from her exiled mother to take revenge and save her people
This concept has been posted many times and I believe it's already received these same comments. The goal of revenge is a negative one - even the Count of Monte Carlo realized at the end that revenge alone is not worth pursuing... What positive goal can you give her? As previously suggested, a goodRead more
This concept has been posted many times and I believe it’s already received these same comments. The goal of revenge is a negative one – even the Count of Monte Carlo realized at the end that revenge alone is not worth pursuing…
What positive goal can you give her? As previously suggested, a good one would be for her to free her people from an evil/bad ruler.
Also as previously mentioned, including the antagonist, in this instance, is necessary and will provide an elegant way to specify the genre. If the antagonist is a sorcerer, she needs to learn magic and the story is supernatural, however,? if he’s a brute and she needs to learn to be an assassin then it’s an action thriller and so on.
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