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Informed his company owned synthetic body will be shut down within a week, a struggling single father must find his body’s original brain to expose the secret his company’s trying to bury.
The goal and stakes are unclear. Why must he find the original brain? What is at stake if he doesn't expose the secret? What does he get if he does expose it? And, what does expose mean? Considering how much information is pumped out online, news headlines are not a big deal at all anymore. Is thereRead more
The goal and stakes are unclear.
Why must he find the original brain?
What is at stake if he doesn’t expose the secret?
What does he get if he does expose it?
And, what does expose mean? Considering how much information is pumped out online, news headlines are not a big deal at all anymore. Is there a specific authority (police, federal police, CIA) he is targeting to expose them to?
See lessA group of criminals see their escape from prison when an infamous prison breaker arrive. The problem however : he doesn’t want to escape anymore.
Agreed with Knightrider, you need to specify one main character and give him a redeeming factor to help with empathy. The wording in your logline doesn't read well: "...A group of criminals see their escape from prison..." - how could they see their own escape which hadn't occurred yet? They may seeRead more
Agreed with Knightrider, you need to specify one main character and give him a redeeming factor to help with empathy.
The wording in your logline doesn’t read well: “…A group of criminals see their escape from prison…” – how could they see their own escape which hadn’t occurred yet? They may see an opportunity to escape, decide to escape or plan one but they certainly can’t see it. “…an infamous prison breaker arrive.” I think you mean – an infamous escape artist arrives.
Why should a producer read your script if your logline isn’t written in correct English?
It seems as if you’re setting up an obstacle for the MC that he escape artist needs to be convinced, but surely the greater obstacle is the prison? Most of the action in the film will be them actually planning and escaping, whereas them convincing the guy to help is just a minor scene or two in act one. I think you can cut that from the logline as it isn’t? a significant enough part of the plot.
See lessThat said this becomes a fairly generic prison break film and begs the question; what is the hook?
A father and the estranged daughter he seeks to reconnect with accompany an affluent friend to a secret restaurant. The father is horrified to learn the restaurant serves nothing but human meat, and must find a way to cope while protecting his daughter’s innocence.
Furthermore, what is the main action the the MC will take? I just can't see enough 'meat on the bones' (pun intended) for a whole feature length story.
Furthermore, what is the main action the the MC will take?
See lessI just can’t see enough ‘meat on the bones’ (pun intended) for a whole feature length story.