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When stuck in a Groundhog Day 7-day cycle after an explosion on the ISS, a career-obsessed astronaut must figure out the cause of the blast and why he keeps coming back.
I really really like this! Please write it! Wish I could say I got the Groundhog Day angle from the logline - well done yqwertz. As DPG often says, lead with your sizzle - Groundhog Day meets Gravity, or Groundhog Day in outer space... As the trope is so well known by now, you can leverage Harold RaRead more
I really really like this! Please write it!
Wish I could say I got the Groundhog Day angle from the logline – well done yqwertz.
As DPG often says, lead with your sizzle – Groundhog Day meets Gravity, or Groundhog Day in outer space…
As the trope is so well known by now, you can leverage Harold Ramis’ legacy in your logline. Also, the specifics of how and where he wakes up are less relevant in the logline.
My try:
See lessWhen stuck in a Groundhog Day cycle after an explosion on the ISS, a career obsessed astronaut must choose between his family and his job to break the loop.
(REVISION #8) When a na?ve, rambunctious teenager muscles in on her sister?s singing career in 1963?s England, her dream of stardom fizzles out as she succumbs to the excesses of a Rock?n Roll lifestyle, ends up pregnant, and after a botched illegal abortion, has to re-evaluate her life to halt her downward spiral.
This is a wordier version of the same logline posted several drafts ago. Seeing as much of the same story problems still exist, I recommend you study the comments you got to date and reevaluate this concept on a fundamental level.
This is a wordier version of the same logline posted several drafts ago. Seeing as much of the same story problems still exist, I recommend you study the comments you got to date and reevaluate this concept on a fundamental level.
See lessA timid young woman, a former recluse, gets her dream job at a prestigious real estate agency and must compete with its cutthroat male agents.
"...What?s at stake: her self-esteem..." - not enough. This sounds more like a courtesy jump aboard the agenda train than a story-worthy problem.Now, before you lunge at the opportunity to write up a woke statement in support of a good cause... please read on.The basic description of the main characRead more
“…What?s at stake: her self-esteem…” – not enough. This sounds more like a courtesy jump aboard the agenda train than a story-worthy problem.
Now, before you lunge at the opportunity to write up a woke statement in support of a good cause… please read on.
The basic description of the main character is generic and lacks any identifying characteristics – “…woman…” basically describes half the human race.
The additional adjectives are vague at best – What does young mean? 20’s, 30’s, 40’s? It depends on the reader. Also, portraying a woman as timid not only paints her as a victim instead of a flawed character, but also puts her well and truly into the pool of cliche characters that have been done so many times in a plethora of stories.
If you truly want to empower women through storytelling, describe the main character as a flawed human being who finds the strength and means to overcome her flaw to become a better version of herself. This will not only make her story more interesting and commercial but also make her a good role model for other women.
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