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When his wife leaves him and his world falls apart, a depressed control-freak attempts to tie up all the loose ends in his life and with those he cares about as he plans his own suicide
Agreed with much of the above. I'll add that planning on doing something isn't doing it... In other words, the best characters don't just plan on doing something, they take action. What does he do aside from tieing things up and planing his suicide?
Agreed with much of the above. I’ll add that planning on doing something isn’t doing it… In other words, the best characters don’t just plan on doing something, they take action. What does he do aside from tieing things up and planing his suicide?
See less(5th revision) A half-wolf child causes a corpse to awake, thus disgracing his genie tutor; his redemption happens by learning about the human soul and becoming Anubis, the god of the dead.
Is this set in ancient Egyptian mythology, European stories, or Arabian? There appears to be a mishmash of folk tales and mythology that doesn't seem to work. More to the point, how is causing a corpse to wake an inciting event? This seems rather trivial. Is there a consequence to its waking? Does iRead more
Is this set in ancient Egyptian mythology, European stories, or Arabian? There appears to be a mishmash of folk tales and mythology that doesn’t seem to work.
More to the point, how is causing a corpse to wake an inciting event? This seems rather trivial. Is there a consequence to its waking? Does it hurt someone?
It’s not clear how a character can redeem themselves simply by learning about the human soul. Learning can be a part of the redemption process, but after learning, he would have to actually do something to redeem himself.
Lastly, what does learning about the human soul mean?
See lessA young girl taken to an alternative world to be the starchild to save the world by putting on a ring called the starring given by God
The logline raises more questions than it answers; what is a Starchild? What does being a Starchild entail? How does being a Starchild make her capable of saving the world? What does she need to save the world from? Which God is this? Judeo-Christian? Pagan? No need to reply with answers to these quRead more
The logline raises more questions than it answers; what is a Starchild? What does being a Starchild entail? How does being a Starchild make her capable of saving the world? What does she need to save the world from? Which God is this? Judeo-Christian? Pagan?
No need to reply with answers to these questions, the point is that the premise and the characters described in the logline are not clear.
If the inciting event is her being taken to another world, then the goal would be for her to get back home. However, if you want the goal to be saving the other world, then the inciting event should be putting the other world in danger. Seeing as it’s a different world, home to people she has never met, the question is how is that a personal stake for her?
Otherwise, the wording is repetitive, and the descriptions are generic.
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