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After a nuclear disaster that destroyed most of civilisation, a scientist encounters, and starts a life with a lone woman, but when they take in a drifting man, a love triangle emerges between them, and he must challenge the stranger?s intentions. [Z for Zachariah, 2015]
The combination of genres, love story with post apocalypse, sounds interesting but the actual story doesn't. I havn't seen this film so I don't know what happens in it. What does the tension between the two men lead them to do? Is there a fight? Does one try to kill the other? Does the woman rejectRead more
The combination of genres, love story with post apocalypse, sounds interesting but the actual story doesn’t.
I havn’t seen this film so I don’t know what happens in it.
What does the tension between the two men lead them to do? Is there a fight? Does one try to kill the other? Does the woman reject either one or both?
I believe that the logline could use a mention of the resulting actions the boys take?
See less(Short Film) After being extremely ridiculed for how he talked as a kid, a hermit young teen must overcome his irrational fear of speaking to others in order ask a girl out to the dance before his best friend betrays him by beating him to the chase.
I'm not sure this is a story for the screen, for the page maybe but as it is now it sounds entirely un cinematic. What does ?"...overcome his irrational fear of speaking..." look like? How is this a cinematic action for the screen? In addition I think the idea of a shy boy needing to overcome his feRead more
I’m not sure this is a story for the screen, for the page maybe but as it is now it sounds entirely un cinematic.
What does ?”…overcome his irrational fear of speaking…” look like? How is this a cinematic action for the screen?
In addition I think the idea of a shy boy needing to overcome his fear of talking to girls is rather mundane, it’s very common amongst boys.
Lastly what are the stakes? To miss out on a date with this girl? well that is pretty much a normal event in a young man’s life. It’s through many of these that most men learn to overcome their fear, but these lessons are completely internal and subjective – they don’t make for good cinematic stories.
I think best if you devise a plot that will ether be ?metaphor for the transformation in this story or draws a clear analogy to similar?events that so many have experienced in real life.
See lessIn need of a new start, a former top-shelf realtor struggles against her nature, and her wish not to fall in love with the charming redevelopment executive that wants to demolish the childhood Victorian house that she must now save, restore and make her home.
It reads like a rom-com is that the intention? If so then the concept works, if not then the logline needs re writing.Regardless the genre the story seems vague.What made her need a new start? Why must she save this house now? The answer to these question will likely be the inciting incident, whichRead more
It reads like a rom-com is that the intention? If so then the concept works, if not then the logline needs re writing.
Regardless the genre the story seems vague.
What made her need a new start? Why must she save this house now? The answer to these question will likely be the inciting incident, which is currently missing from the logline. Best to add it in so as to describe the starting point of your story.
Secondly you describe three main actions the main character will take:
“…struggles against her nature…” – in the B plot love story,
“…she must now save…” – in the A plot to save her childhood house,
“…and make her home…” – also in the A plot.
Loglines are mostly used to describe the A plot and are best when they describe a single goal. Therefore I suggest you re draft the logline, focus on the A plot and describe only the primary goal. Also would be great if you could describe an original action for her to take in order to save the house, other wise “save the house” is too vague a description.
I.e
See lessAfter a redevelopment executive threatens to destroy her childhood home, a top shelf realtor must move to the country and remain in the house to prevent it from being demolished, if she is to make it her home once again.