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A war has broken out because an English citizen was out trying to survive in the Amazon and started burning the Amazon rainforest down. An American military aircraft pilot was flying over the Amazon rainforest and spotted him and didn?t like that he started a fire in the Amazon rainforest. Now the English want our territory.
Agreed with the above notes. Economy is vital in a logline. Think of it as a means to describe;?what happened to whom that motivated?them take action to achieve a specific goal.
Agreed with the above notes.
Economy is vital in a logline.
Think of it as a means to describe;?what happened to whom that motivated?them take action to achieve a specific goal.
See lessA ?rescued? teenager with an abusive past must rally other students at his new school against a torturous headmistress to save himself and his friends.
What DPG said. The logline lacks clarity and detail, what will be done and how is vital for a logline. In addition I don't think that "?rescued?" is a clear enough description for the main character. It could mean that the boy was abused at home and removed into foster care but depending on the contRead more
What DPG said.
The logline lacks clarity and detail, what will be done and how is vital for a logline.
In addition I don’t think that “?rescued?” is a clear enough description for the main character. It could mean that the boy was abused at home and removed into foster care but depending on the context could mean he was drug addict taken off the streets and put in the care of social workers, or that he was a delinquent taken out of juvenile prison.
Point is the main character description is unclear and doesn’t contribute to the plot.
See lessAfter being raped by her uncle when she was younger, a pastor’s daughter plots and carries out different ways of destroying her uncles family with coincidental mishaps causing their deaths over the years.
Agreed with the above comments, the inciting incident appears to happen off screen and in the past - this will diminish its impact on the MC in the story. In addition to all the notes above the goal needs specification. We get that she wants revenge but how and it what way? How many people need to dRead more
Agreed with the above comments, the inciting incident appears to happen off screen and in the past – this will diminish its impact on the MC in the story.
In addition to all the notes above the goal needs specification. We get that she wants revenge but how and it what way? How many people need to die before her revenge is exacted? All the rapist’s close family or just half?
The rhetorical nature of my questions is trying to get across that the goals stated are not fulfilling their function in the plot. Best to specify a single target of her revenge, one that will be causally connected to the inciting incident, in other words the rapist.
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