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Finally a culmination of the book from the Page master, Bullwinkle the Moose, and Chip Foose have one hell of a time while stopping the evil Dr. Evil from taking over the world for the 6th time.
I recall a similar post several months ago, and this logline is as cryptic as it is memorable. Best to re visit the original thread as all previous comments still apply.
I recall a similar post several months ago, and this logline is as cryptic as it is memorable.
See lessBest to re visit the original thread as all previous comments still apply.
Les harbours a secret obsession to become the next biggest gay porn star and when his Dad kicks him out, he escapes to LA. Trapped by his own narcissism it?s not long before he resorts to prostitution to feed a growing meth habit but when he witnesses his ex lover dying of an overdose he starts an unpredictable roller coaster ride to recovery that brings him to a practice of yoga and meditation and he attracts the man that gives him a new sense of purpose.
Best to think of a logline in terms of plot points, and by plot plot points I mean essential big plot points. As it is now the original logline has too many moving parts, albeit part of the same story they describe too much at too early a stage of development. For example: "...Les harbours a secretRead more
Best to think of a logline in terms of plot points, and by plot plot points I mean essential big plot points.
As it is now the original logline has too many moving parts, albeit part of the same story they describe too much at too early a stage of development.
For example: “…Les harbours a secret obsession to become the next biggest gay porn star and when his Dad kicks him out, he escapes to LA …”
Could be re written as:
After his dad kicks him out for being gay a want to be actor must survive on the streets of LA…
Or another example:
“Trapped by his own narcissism it?s not long before he resorts to prostitution to feed a growing meth habit…”
This clause is not necessary and can be cut from the logline. For starters I’m not sure how one can be trapped by his or her own narcissism or how that would lead him to take meth and secondly it describes a character flaw, which is good but as a plot point which is bad. Best to use the character flaw as a means to indicate what the MC will learn over the course of the story, in other words the character flaw needs to insinuate what the inner journey will be to achieve the inner goal and not be part of the outer journey to achieve the outer goal.
As DPG said this is a redemption plot (very McKee of us…) so the inner journey is the most important part of your story, however in this instance I believe that an outer goal is necessary as there have been many rise and falls of [fill the gap] stories similar to this and a good challenging outer goal will help set it apart.
See lessWhen a scientist invents a vaccine for a virus that devastated the United States and uses it to build a deadly army, her former student must lead a special forces team to her hidden base in the Rocky Mountains in order to get the vaccine in the right hands.
Agreed with Richiev, better to select a single dramatic point of view for the logline.In addition, the premise is not clear - how can a vaccine be used to build an army? Perhaps better to leave such an obscure detail out of the logline. To make the premise work logically, she could have the vaccineRead more
Agreed with Richiev, better to select a single dramatic point of view for the logline.
In addition, the premise is not clear – how can a vaccine be used to build an army? Perhaps better to leave such an obscure detail out of the logline. To make the premise work logically, she could have the vaccine and partner up with a General gone mad.
See less