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Peanut and Cracker Jack — To get back in the game a disgraced little league coach must turn a team of awkward, couch-potato kids with one superstar and the rival coach?s spurned daughter into champions.
What DPG said. Also best to describe a plot with a definitive start and end point, in other words an inciting incident and goal. Why is the coach disgraced? What put him out of the game? Use this as the inciting incident. What does turn the team mean? Does it mean to make them better? How will he knRead more
What DPG said.
Also best to describe a plot with a definitive start and end point, in other words an inciting incident and goal.
Why is the coach disgraced? What put him out of the game? Use this as the inciting incident.
What does turn the team mean? Does it mean to make them better? How will he know that he has successfully turned them around? do they need to beat the current state champion team? What ever it is use it as the goal.
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The plot in this logline is confusing. What world problems do they need to solve? Why? How? All of them at once or are they separated into groups to solve one problem per group? If an apocalypse has taken place, what part of the world is left for them to work on? If the main character is the boy, whRead more
The plot in this logline is confusing.
What world problems do they need to solve?
Why?
How?
All of them at once or are they separated into groups to solve one problem per group?
If an apocalypse has taken place, what part of the world is left for them to work on?
If the main character is the boy, what is his goal in specific terms?
How does him being an albino make his task harder or easier to complete? In other words what is the relevance of his skin colour?
There are too many elements described in this logline, and as a result the plot and MC inner journey are unclear. Best to describe one plot about one main character with one goal in mind.
See lessA serial killer taxi driver takes revenge on behalf of victimised passengers while trying to avoid detection.
You haven't described story beats rather the bare bones of a premise (not to be confused with character arc by the way), is there a particular bad guy in his sights? Is there one definitive thing he wants to do above all? In other words, what is the serial killer's story goal? This could help structRead more
You haven’t described story beats rather the bare bones of a premise (not to be confused with character arc by the way), is there a particular bad guy in his sights? Is there one definitive thing he wants to do above all? In other words, what is the serial killer’s story goal? This could help structure a plot and shape the logline.
Secondly at what point does he realise the error of his ways? When does he overcome his flaw?
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