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When a move to a new town and a stronger prescription fails to keep her dreams from altering her waking life, an overwrought teenager must learn to accept her bizarre talent and stop a provocateur from exploiting her power to manipulate an unwitting public.
Good points raised above the concept may be great but I am unable to discern what it is from the logline. Perhaps consider a re draft that mentions only the MC her inciting incident and goal then it would be possible to see what back ground and character descriptions add to the concept and which conRead more
Good points raised above the concept may be great but I am unable to discern what it is from the logline.
Perhaps consider a re draft that mentions only the MC her inciting incident and goal then it would be possible to see what back ground and character descriptions add to the concept and which confuse it.
Hope this helps.
See lessAs a wildfire advances, an inexperienced deputy sheriff must evacuate his town and protect it from looters.
In The Perfect Storm the antagonist was a rival fisherman who helps to drive the MC (on top of financial stress) via professional competition to take an extreme action in the face of danger. 'Cast Away' and 'All Is Lost' are exceptions in the genre. Naming examples is a risky thing to do because forRead more
In The Perfect Storm the antagonist was a rival fisherman who helps to drive the MC (on top of financial stress) via professional competition to take an extreme action in the face of danger.
‘Cast Away’ and ‘All Is Lost’ are exceptions in the genre. Naming examples is a risky thing to do because for every example supporting one argument you can find one if not more supporting another.
To that matter here is a little list, off the top of my head, of successful Man V nature films that had an antagonist separate to the force of nature: Twister, Volcano, Titanic (yes the story with in the story is man V nature many men and women V nature in fact but since the story was weak on its own they strung a romance story with an antagonist into it which is likely what made it so successful), The Mountain, The Grey, Dante’s Peak (Paul who doesn’t believe Harry, not a long plaid role but enough to create a dramatic premise), The Poseidon Adventure (actually has several antagonists spread across all acts) the list goes on…
Point is while a few films in the genre worked well with no antagonist the fact is that the majority of successful films in this genre did have antagonists. This is a point worth noting and implementing when writing in the genre.
See lessIn a hole-in-the-wall restaurant, a middle-aged chef with no ambition finds new vigor in his work as he becomes entranced in a whimsical high-school student who aspires to be taken under his wing as an assistant cook.
This logline is too long and wordy yet also describes too few plot elements to be effective. No need to mention the location unless vital to the plot so best to remove "In a hole-in-the-wall restaurant..." The MC description is poor as it is too vague because "...middle-aged..." describes a very larRead more
This logline is too long and wordy yet also describes too few plot elements to be effective.
No need to mention the location unless vital to the plot so best to remove “In a hole-in-the-wall restaurant…”
The MC description is poor as it is too vague because “…middle-aged…” describes a very large portion of the population with no specific characteristics that apply to the story.
“…finds new vigor in his work…” is not a good inciting incident as it is not a visual event and rather an effort made by the MC not an out of the ordinary event he experiences. Best to structure the inciting incident as a SIGNIFICANT event that is not part of the “normal” course of action.
If the MC inspiration is the students motivation it makes for a relatively underwhelming experience. Think of all the great stories you know of what motivated or inspired the MCs in those… For this story to sound interesting enough for a busy over worked tiered executive to want to read the script you need to hit them in the face with an undeniable burning need for your MC to achieve their goal.
Segue into what is the MC’s goal? It can’t be to be better at cooking as this would have been the MC’s goal prior to the story starting if he has any semblance of professionalism it also lacks an interesting hook. What is it he must achieve or else? Make that his goal.
Lastly there for the most part there are no assistant cooks in professional kitchens rather; sous chefs, cooks, apprentices and kitchen hands. Best to make the logline sound as proficient in the subject matter as possible. Easy done by googeling: Brigade De Cuisine.
Hope this helps.
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