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Only sixteen, Harriet Duncan is determined to bring her mother to justice for her father’s murder. When she happens upon an outlaw with amnesia she struggles to convince him that he?s an heroic bounty hunter who has offered his help.
No need to state the MC name unless it is vital to the story. Why does the girl decide to bring her mother to justice now? My point is better to specify the inciting incident rather than hint at it. In this case it is a powerful event that could be a great inciting incident mother kills father betteRead more
No need to state the MC name unless it is vital to the story.
Why does the girl decide to bring her mother to justice now? My point is better to specify the inciting incident rather than hint at it. In this case it is a powerful event that could be a great inciting incident mother kills father better to start the logline with that.
The whole portion of the logline relating to the outlaw seams redundant or too long. The outlaw is the MC’s ally you can mention him but don’t use up more than half the logline on him he is only an ally.
Better to describe the girl’s actions and the antagonist in the second half of the log line.
e.g:
After her father dies a teenager must fight a crime family with the aid of a bounty hunter in order to bring her mother to justice for killing her father.
Hope this helps.
See lessTalented violinst faces two options of getting away with his suffering-playing the violin.Either follow his evil thoughts that lead him to make a radical solution or follow his best friend's escape plan.
Well stated by AHSitt the logline prioritises cryptic descriptions over specific ones this works agains the clarity a logline should have. There are also a notably large number of grammar mistakes which compound the effect for the reader making this a difficult senates to understand. Start with theRead more
Well stated by AHSitt the logline prioritises cryptic descriptions over specific ones this works agains the clarity a logline should have.
There are also a notably large number of grammar mistakes which compound the effect for the reader making this a difficult senates to understand.
Start with the answers to these questions as a base for your next draft:
The MC is a violinist but what does he want?
What starts his story, what is the inciting incident?
Hope this helps.
See lessTalented violinst faces two options of getting away with his suffering-playing the violin.Either follow his evil thoughts that lead him to make a radical solution or follow his best friend's escape plan.
Well stated by AHSitt the logline prioritises cryptic descriptions over specific ones this works agains the clarity a logline should have. There are also a notably large number of grammar mistakes which compound the effect for the reader making this a difficult senates to understand. Start with theRead more
Well stated by AHSitt the logline prioritises cryptic descriptions over specific ones this works agains the clarity a logline should have.
There are also a notably large number of grammar mistakes which compound the effect for the reader making this a difficult senates to understand.
Start with the answers to these questions as a base for your next draft:
The MC is a violinist but what does he want?
What starts his story, what is the inciting incident?
Hope this helps.
See less