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A washed up celebrity in a bitter custody battle with his scheming ex-wife, is knocked unconscious by a plane crash and awakens believing he is a super hero from one his films.
You have a good base for a story in this log line. By defining the MC as a "...washed up celebrity..." you're specifying the MC as potentially either disillusioned or deluded. This means the inner journey will be about him learning to either not be bitter about life or learn to accept reality. The MRead more
You have a good base for a story in this log line. By defining the MC as a “…washed up celebrity…” you’re specifying the MC as potentially either disillusioned or deluded. This means the inner journey will be about him learning to either not be bitter about life or learn to accept reality.
The MC’s journey to achieving the outer goal will need to be a metaphor for either one or the other inner journey’s I mentioned above.
At this stage as mentioned by DPG and Lee Brooks, “…a bitter custody battle with his scheming ex-wife…” seams unrelated to the plot and the logline would benefit from removing it.
If you could clarify what the objective outer goal is that the MC needs to achieve and relate it to the inner journey then this could be a very interesting logline.
Hope this helps.
See lessAn interracial family adopts a pair of kids with special powers from an orphanage, and sets out to help each of them find their one remaining parent.
I still don't understand the need for a dual protagonist as it doesn't add to the story. "Having two unrelated kids get adopted by the same family creates a much bigger strife potential," - I don't see how. "...but also shows the power of family in a much bigger way." - I don't see how this is the cRead more
I still don’t understand the need for a dual protagonist as it doesn’t add to the story.
“Having two unrelated kids get adopted by the same family creates a much bigger strife potential,” – I don’t see how.
“…but also shows the power of family in a much bigger way.” – I don’t see how this is the case either.
I strongly recommend focusing on a single protagonist plot it is hard enough to structure as is already.
Your latest draft of the logline is better but still lacks a clear cut cause and effect relationship between the kids and the foster families avoiding capture.
“…the show is about family and the love of a family.” – if so then make the family the goal. If the kids already have a loving family in form of the foster family and still decide to go after the biological parents they never knew then the story is about biological relationships and not necessarily family.
I’d change my original logline recommendation to:
After an orphan with a fear of abandonment is abducted and made a clairvoyant by a secret government agency, he senses his parents are alive and in trouble he must break out of the agency and find his parents before it is too late.
If it is about two kids and a family the support network available to them is greater. They are safer and have more resources at their disposal ultimately it is less interesting as the chances of success are higher this way.
Make it a single protagonist with no family and he or she want to get a family (as the show is about the love of a family they want so badly) also make them young and make them go out into the world on their own to do this and the stakes go sky high.
See lessAn interracial family adopts a pair of kids with special powers from an orphanage, and sets out to help each of them find their one remaining parent.
I still don't understand the need for a dual protagonist as it doesn't add to the story. "Having two unrelated kids get adopted by the same family creates a much bigger strife potential," - I don't see how. "...but also shows the power of family in a much bigger way." - I don't see how this is the cRead more
I still don’t understand the need for a dual protagonist as it doesn’t add to the story.
“Having two unrelated kids get adopted by the same family creates a much bigger strife potential,” – I don’t see how.
“…but also shows the power of family in a much bigger way.” – I don’t see how this is the case either.
I strongly recommend focusing on a single protagonist plot it is hard enough to structure as is already.
Your latest draft of the logline is better but still lacks a clear cut cause and effect relationship between the kids and the foster families avoiding capture.
“…the show is about family and the love of a family.” – if so then make the family the goal. If the kids already have a loving family in form of the foster family and still decide to go after the biological parents they never knew then the story is about biological relationships and not necessarily family.
I’d change my original logline recommendation to:
After an orphan with a fear of abandonment is abducted and made a clairvoyant by a secret government agency, he senses his parents are alive and in trouble he must break out of the agency and find his parents before it is too late.
If it is about two kids and a family the support network available to them is greater. They are safer and have more resources at their disposal ultimately it is less interesting as the chances of success are higher this way.
Make it a single protagonist with no family and he or she want to get a family (as the show is about the love of a family they want so badly) also make them young and make them go out into the world on their own to do this and the stakes go sky high.
See less