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After being struck by lightning, a geeky bullied teen discovers that he has the ability to obtain the skills, strength, and knowledge of others via touch, he uses this newly found gift to get even with his tormenters and win the heart of the girl he adores.
The logline forces the logical connection between the MC being struck by lightening and him getting the girl or the bad guys. Therefore the concept feels laboured to me, if I were to here of a boy being struck by lighting and getting special powers I wouldn't likely think that he will now get the giRead more
The logline forces the logical connection between the MC being struck by lightening and him getting the girl or the bad guys. Therefore the concept feels laboured to me, if I were to here of a boy being struck by lighting and getting special powers I wouldn’t likely think that he will now get the girl of his dreams.
The cause and effect relationship between the inciting incident and the goal is not evident in the log line.
Is his main goal to get back at the tormentors or get the girl? These are separate goals of separate plots.
If it is getting back at the tormentors; can they some how force him out into a storm and as a result he gets struck by lighting? This would mean that the inciting incident happens as a result of the bad guys and then the connection between it and him getting his revenge is clear.
If it is getting the girl; could he some how find him self stranded outdoors during a storm in an attempt to do a huge romantic gesture that goes wrong? Then as a result of him chasing her the inciting incident takes place.
Unrelated to the logline structure, this is another movie about a teenager getting special powers which is a stretch now days. You really have to work hard on the character and premise to make it appear interesting and stand out from the myriad of other teenage special power movies.
What is it about his character flaw that makes his journey unique?
Hope this helps.
See lessAfter being struck by lightning, a geeky bullied teen discovers that he has the ability to obtain the skills, strength, and knowledge of others via touch, he uses this newly found gift to get even with his tormenters and win the heart of the girl he adores.
The logline forces the logical connection between the MC being struck by lightening and him getting the girl or the bad guys. Therefore the concept feels laboured to me, if I were to here of a boy being struck by lighting and getting special powers I wouldn't likely think that he will now get the giRead more
The logline forces the logical connection between the MC being struck by lightening and him getting the girl or the bad guys. Therefore the concept feels laboured to me, if I were to here of a boy being struck by lighting and getting special powers I wouldn’t likely think that he will now get the girl of his dreams.
The cause and effect relationship between the inciting incident and the goal is not evident in the log line.
Is his main goal to get back at the tormentors or get the girl? These are separate goals of separate plots.
If it is getting back at the tormentors; can they some how force him out into a storm and as a result he gets struck by lighting? This would mean that the inciting incident happens as a result of the bad guys and then the connection between it and him getting his revenge is clear.
If it is getting the girl; could he some how find him self stranded outdoors during a storm in an attempt to do a huge romantic gesture that goes wrong? Then as a result of him chasing her the inciting incident takes place.
Unrelated to the logline structure, this is another movie about a teenager getting special powers which is a stretch now days. You really have to work hard on the character and premise to make it appear interesting and stand out from the myriad of other teenage special power movies.
What is it about his character flaw that makes his journey unique?
Hope this helps.
See lessA washed up celebrity in a bitter custody battle with his scheming ex-wife, is knocked unconscious by a plane crash and awakens believing he is a super hero from one his films.
You have a good base for a story in this log line. By defining the MC as a "...washed up celebrity..." you're specifying the MC as potentially either disillusioned or deluded. This means the inner journey will be about him learning to either not be bitter about life or learn to accept reality. The MRead more
You have a good base for a story in this log line. By defining the MC as a “…washed up celebrity…” you’re specifying the MC as potentially either disillusioned or deluded. This means the inner journey will be about him learning to either not be bitter about life or learn to accept reality.
The MC’s journey to achieving the outer goal will need to be a metaphor for either one or the other inner journey’s I mentioned above.
At this stage as mentioned by DPG and Lee Brooks, “…a bitter custody battle with his scheming ex-wife…” seams unrelated to the plot and the logline would benefit from removing it.
If you could clarify what the objective outer goal is that the MC needs to achieve and relate it to the inner journey then this could be a very interesting logline.
Hope this helps.
See less