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Bullying intensifies social isolation at a tender age in Marcos and leads to uncontrolled and subversive consequences.
Only thing I will add to Richiev's comments above is it would be very important to understand when the story begins. By that I mean what was the event that set the MC off to take action in the story? What is the inciting incident? Hope this helps.
Only thing I will add to Richiev’s comments above is it would be very important to understand when the story begins. By that I mean what was the event that set the MC off to take action in the story?
What is the inciting incident?
Hope this helps.
See lessBullying intensifies social isolation at a tender age in Marcos and leads to uncontrolled and subversive consequences.
Only thing I will add to Richiev's comments above is it would be very important to understand when the story begins. By that I mean what was the event that set the MC off to take action in the story? What is the inciting incident? Hope this helps.
Only thing I will add to Richiev’s comments above is it would be very important to understand when the story begins. By that I mean what was the event that set the MC off to take action in the story?
What is the inciting incident?
Hope this helps.
See lessWhen her bandmates get implicated in a bad drug deal, a geek must gather ecstasy from seagull corpses to repay the debt.
Without an explanation most readers won't understand the relation to seagulls. In this case I think better to describe her need i.e her goal than the specific way in which the MC will achieve it. Also a "...geeky raver..." seems like an oxymoron to the average reader. The MC may have several interesRead more
Without an explanation most readers won’t understand the relation to seagulls. In this case I think better to describe her need i.e her goal than the specific way in which the MC will achieve it.
Also a “…geeky raver…” seems like an oxymoron to the average reader. The MC may have several interesting layers with contradicting characteristics but for the sake of simplicity = sellabilty better to describe the MC succinctly and clearly.
Lastly if all she has to do is collect pills from dead birds on the street the obstacles for this are not immediately evident and seemingly quick to achieve. This means that the main action she will pursue appears to have little obstacles and doesn’t sound like it can fill all of act 2.
Can you find a way to give her a greater challenge in order to achieve her goal? Also give her a bigger goal tan just pay back the debt.
My 2 cents:
See lessAfter her bandmates get mixed up in a bad drug deal, a geeky guitar player must find a way to make ecstasy pills in order to repay the debt and save their lives.