Without an explanation most readers won’t understand the relation to seagulls. In this case I think better to describe her need i.e her goal than the specific way in which the MC will achieve it.

Also a “…geeky raver…” seems like an oxymoron to the average reader. The MC may have several interesting layers with contradicting characteristics but for the sake of simplicity = sellabilty better to describe the MC succinctly and clearly.

Lastly if all she has to do is collect pills from dead birds on the street the obstacles for this are not immediately evident and seemingly quick to achieve. This means that the main action she will pursue appears to have little obstacles and doesn’t sound like it can fill all of act 2.

Can you find a way to give her a greater challenge in order to achieve her goal? Also give her a bigger goal tan just pay back the debt.

My 2 cents:
After her bandmates get mixed up in a bad drug deal, a geeky guitar player must find a way to make ecstasy pills in order to repay the debt and save their lives.

Out-rightly specifying the genre in the logline is not often done. I think better to let the events and characters inform the reader what the genre will be.

The MC’s age is of little relevance to the story so best not to include it in the logline (yes he is a young man facing death but age doesn’t tell much about what he will do).

The fact he is dying is a good ticking time bomb but waters down the effect of him falling in love. Why not pursue the relationship with the woman? Even if her husband finds out so what? he will be dead soon any how.

Is there something else he could do that he MUST achieve before dying or else…? Having a semi meaningful relationship before he dies seams like a rather low stake compared to saving someone else’s life or apologizing to a long lost son or daughter or lover.

Hope this helps.