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  1. Posted: November 20, 2014In: Public

    When her bandmates get implicated in a bad drug deal, a geek must gather ecstasy from seagull corpses to repay the debt.

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on November 21, 2014 at 10:58 am

    I find the logic of the premise confusing. Did they hide the drugs inside seagulls in hopes they would fly to the correct place but the drugs seeped into the seagulls killing them in the process? If so is that a critical element of the story that needs to be in the logline? Could it just be describeRead more

    I find the logic of the premise confusing.

    Did they hide the drugs inside seagulls in hopes they would fly to the correct place but the drugs seeped into the seagulls killing them in the process?

    If so is that a critical element of the story that needs to be in the logline? Could it just be described that she needs to retrieve the load of drugs or shipment or loot.

    Are her mates being implicated as criminals to the police? Are they under arrest and therefore can’t collect the drugs them selves to pay off the debt making her the only one on the outside that can? How would paying off the debt to the other drug dealer help her help her mates in custody?

    Are her mates being implicated as the dealers who screwed over a bigger drug dealer? If so why can’t they collect the drugs them selves to pay off the debt why are they relying on her to do so?

    Perhaps a change to the semantics could help clear this up. “Implicated” sounds like a legal term combined with the fact that she has to get the drugs back suggests that they are in trouble with the law but paying back the debt logicaly suggests they are in trouble with the other drug dealer.

    Lastly I personally would find it hard to empathize with a drug dealer who collects ecstasy pills with the intention of selling them onto other drug dealers or users. Is there a way to put her into a corner that gives her no choice but to get the drugs and sell them as a lesser of two evils? Or exploit the fact she is an innocent geek that doesn’t know what the pills are.

    Hope this helps.

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  2. Posted: November 20, 2014In: Public

    A bereaved businessman becomes obsessed with the identity of an amnesia sufferer who saves his life only to become embroiled in a supernatural conflict that threatens to claim everything he holds close.

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on November 21, 2014 at 10:44 am

    If the story is a super natural thriller it would be good to describe the antagonist. Because in the super natural genres the form of the super natural is what is interesting. Is it a ghost, demonic possession or ancient monster? Either one would be fine but either one would paint the concept in a dRead more

    If the story is a super natural thriller it would be good to describe the antagonist. Because in the super natural genres the form of the super natural is what is interesting. Is it a ghost, demonic possession or ancient monster? Either one would be fine but either one would paint the concept in a different way.

    The particulars of the evil thing will help make this a unique and interesting story. Perhaps best if you elaborate on the super natural element in the logline.

    Hope this helps.

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  3. Posted: November 20, 2014In: Public

    A bereaved businessman becomes obsessed with the identity of an amnesia sufferer who saves his life only to become embroiled in a supernatural conflict that threatens to claim everything he holds close.

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on November 21, 2014 at 10:44 am

    If the story is a super natural thriller it would be good to describe the antagonist. Because in the super natural genres the form of the super natural is what is interesting. Is it a ghost, demonic possession or ancient monster? Either one would be fine but either one would paint the concept in a dRead more

    If the story is a super natural thriller it would be good to describe the antagonist. Because in the super natural genres the form of the super natural is what is interesting. Is it a ghost, demonic possession or ancient monster? Either one would be fine but either one would paint the concept in a different way.

    The particulars of the evil thing will help make this a unique and interesting story. Perhaps best if you elaborate on the super natural element in the logline.

    Hope this helps.

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