As DPG mentioned a graphic novel is all together different with regards to its story requirements. This changes many things as you can part with information relating to characters emotional states and thoughts directly without the need for a visual representation.

With regards to your inciting incident; you specifically described the “event” as “…a common one.” which is as previously explained better done as an uncommon one.

However from your most recent explanation the event or inciting incident is his discovery of the plot against humanity. This does not come across in the currant draft of the logline the inciting incident in the currant draft is becoming a cyborg not learning about the plot to destroy humanity “After becoming a cyborg and inheriting the memories…” . Inheriting memories does not imply learning of a plot to kill all humans and the way in which he learns of the plot i.e inheriting the memories is irrelevant to the logline.

Better then to start the logline with the MC then the inciting incident to make it clear to the reader that this is what starts off the story and makes him take action.

For example:

After discovering a plot to destroy humanity, a man turned cyborg, must fight an evil alien overlord with the aid of a friendly alien AI to save Earth.

Being a control freak is a characteristic of the MC and is not a stake it is her nature. The stakes would be the potential loss of something or someone precious to her as a result of her actions.
In this instance possibly she loves her fiance and doesn’t want to loos him but finds herself physically attracted to a woman. Her stake would be losing the fiance.

A series of coincidences make her a passive protagonist, this is not recommended as most passive protagonists throughout history have resulted in lesser and un interesting stories. Best to give her a series of actions in a cause and effect relationship to follow and let her learn through them.

I think the goal needs to be defined, as it stands it is unclear what it is she wants. Once you define the goal perhaps then the action she takes to achieve it after waking from the coma will help shape a re draft of the logline.