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The day before Christmas, an unadventurous, spoiled young boy gets kidnapped. He escapes with the help from a girl who has facts that will help him find his beloved father, but there is a price. He must first recover something that is precious to her before Christmas.
Agreed with all of DPGs comments wanted to add that the character descriptions needs work. Currently the Mc is described as "...an unadventurous, spoiled young boy..." with three adjectives pick one that describes a flaw for him to learn how to be better from logically this would be from the above sRead more
Agreed with all of DPGs comments wanted to add that the character descriptions needs work.
Currently the Mc is described as “…an unadventurous, spoiled young boy…” with three adjectives pick one that describes a flaw for him to learn how to be better from logically this would be from the above spoiled.
His goal the father doesn’t need to be “…beloved…” it feels labored and redundant, kidnapped boy wants to reunite with his father is enough to imply he loves his father.
Lastly if something is precious to a character we know nothing about we wouldn’t really care for the character. So the we need to know a bit more about the girl before we read about her goal. As DPG wrote she may well not need to be in the logline all together and with the need to write more about her perhaps best to not mention her or her goal.
Hope this helps.
See lessAfter the son of Death finishes his first day in the family business, he must persuade his father that he wants to follow his dream by becoming a chef.
Death is a great character because he is universally understood across all cultures and needs no explanation as to who and what he is. Needless to say the obvious and direct relation to human psyche strengthens that. But, as well as the character problems mentioned by Nick, Death has been regularlyRead more
Death is a great character because he is universally understood across all cultures and needs no explanation as to who and what he is. Needless to say the obvious and direct relation to human psyche strengthens that.
But, as well as the character problems mentioned by Nick, Death has been regularly used as a character in stories from Greek mythology to Russian folklore right up to modern day cartoons such as Family Guy.
In my mind to tell a successful story about him would need a unique type of character and an unusual action to gain an audience.
Hope this helps.
See lessAfter the son of Death finishes his first day in the family business, he must persuade his father that he wants to follow his dream by becoming a chef.
Death is a great character because he is universally understood across all cultures and needs no explanation as to who and what he is. Needless to say the obvious and direct relation to human psyche strengthens that. But, as well as the character problems mentioned by Nick, Death has been regularlyRead more
Death is a great character because he is universally understood across all cultures and needs no explanation as to who and what he is. Needless to say the obvious and direct relation to human psyche strengthens that.
But, as well as the character problems mentioned by Nick, Death has been regularly used as a character in stories from Greek mythology to Russian folklore right up to modern day cartoons such as Family Guy.
In my mind to tell a successful story about him would need a unique type of character and an unusual action to gain an audience.
Hope this helps.
See less