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When a colonisation crew of four escaping a threatened earth, awakens by ship failure, a useless artist must save the mission and mankind from a captain, incorrectly believing one of them isn?t human.
Without getting too heavily into screenplay structure, I agree with bondthewriter on this one. Don't worry about the rest of the setup - just make sure the inciting incident for your CORE narrative is explained. It does sound like this story begins because they are woken from hypersleep. I've foundRead more
Without getting too heavily into screenplay structure, I agree with bondthewriter on this one. Don’t worry about the rest of the setup – just make sure the inciting incident for your CORE narrative is explained. It does sound like this story begins because they are woken from hypersleep.
I’ve found this logline really hard to write off the top of my head – but I will say that I think you need to keep mention of what it is that the artist is protecting; specifically, the survival of the human race.
See lessIn a world with real monsters, a desperate griffin and his team fight through the expanding zombie horde to deliver an immune human to their superiors.
I don't know if this is contrary to other advice you've already received, but I would remove the opening "In a world with real monsters". Not only does this sound like marketing guff, but it's a waste of the word count. If your logline contains the words griffin and zombies, it's already indicatingRead more
I don’t know if this is contrary to other advice you’ve already received, but I would remove the opening “In a world with real monsters”. Not only does this sound like marketing guff, but it’s a waste of the word count. If your logline contains the words griffin and zombies, it’s already indicating that the genre we’re dealing with is fantasy and that this is indeed a world where monsters exist.
Once again – I think the stakes are not entirely clear. The implication is that if the human is brought through safely, humanity can be saved … but this doesn’t seem like a very primal urge for the griffin. Why does HE (and through him, the audience) care if humanity is saved?
See lessAfter waking up human, the former Angel of Darkness recruits a supernatural team to steal Pandora's Box from Lucifer.
Agree with the above - the logline works, except that we don't have an idea of what the stakes of failure are. What does the antagonist intend to do with the box?
Agree with the above – the logline works, except that we don’t have an idea of what the stakes of failure are. What does the antagonist intend to do with the box?
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