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When thousands are trapped in the world's most popular MMO, a burnt-out game master must learn to play the game she once ruled in order track down a hacker with a grudge, before he uses the first Boss event to threaten the entire server.
This reminds me a bunch of: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sword_Art_Online Not necessarily a bad thing, but it's worth knowing about other narratives like your own so you can avoid cliches. Maybe to clarify, you could say "when thousands of real people are trapped inside the world's largest MMO", orRead more
This reminds me a bunch of:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sword_Art_Online
Not necessarily a bad thing, but it’s worth knowing about other narratives like your own so you can avoid cliches.
Maybe to clarify, you could say “when thousands of real people are trapped inside the world’s largest MMO”, or else “When thousands of human souls…” I think we all agree that you need some way to clarify it’s not just their avatars that are stuck, or that they can’t log off, it’s actually their minds plugged into the machine. This inciting incident actually also takes care of explaining the stakes, because we get it from the outset, freeing up your word count for your character and action.
“game master” – just change to gamer. The fact that they’re burnt out tells us that they have played a bunch. Also, you’re wasting words explaining that she ‘must learn’ to play a game she evidently already knows how to play.
“hacker with a grudge” – vengeful hacker?
And maybe, once those elements are in place, just trim it back to suggest that the antagonists goal is destruction of the server?
“When thousands of real people are trapped inside the world’s largest MMO, a jaded gamer must re-enter the digital realm to stop a vengeful hacker intent on destroying the entire server.”
See lessWhen a pernickety hitman assassinates the wrong target he is wounded and has only two hours to eliminate his betrayer before the Mob kills him.
Something about pernickety makes me think this is a comedy (but "Grim Game" tells me it's not). Fastidious?
Something about pernickety makes me think this is a comedy (but “Grim Game” tells me it’s not). Fastidious?
See lessIn a post-apocalyptic wasteland, when a government transporter with a death-wish learns that his long dead brother is alive he teams up with an escaped experimental super-soldier and a sassy resistance fighter to find his lost brother and stop a deranged government scientist who is experimenting on children.
Just rearrange and streamline, and I think you'll be able to sort it out. "After learning his long lost brother is alive (or, is held captive by a sadistic scientist ... is his brother young enough to be one of the experiments?), a (reckless?) government agent travels across a post apocalyptic wasteRead more
Just rearrange and streamline, and I think you’ll be able to sort it out.
“After learning his long lost brother is alive (or, is held captive by a sadistic scientist … is his brother young enough to be one of the experiments?), a (reckless?) government agent travels across a post apocalyptic wasteland to mount a rescue.”
Because there are two goals – save the brother, stop the scientist – the second half of the logline gets muddled. If they tie in directly to one another, make that clear. If not, which is the goal that, once completed, finishes your movie?
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