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Two forrest rangers, one a quiet loner and one a happily married father to be, while on the search for a child lost in the woods crash their helicopter far from any recognizable landmark they must survive the wilderness and find their way back.
I'd first focus the logline on the central character - the one with the bigger odds, or who arcs further throughout the story. This focus allows your audience to understand a single character's goal and stakes, and follow the through line of your film. The inclusion of the purpose of their mission bRead more
I’d first focus the logline on the central character – the one with the bigger odds, or who arcs further throughout the story. This focus allows your audience to understand a single character’s goal and stakes, and follow the through line of your film.
The inclusion of the purpose of their mission before their crash is unnecessary unless it’s going to figure into the second half of the logline in some meaningful way (like if their goal is really to continue to the mission. if their goal is just to survive – or get home – and this is a secondary plot, I’d keep it out of here).
So … focus on one character. Drop secondary plots.
“When their helicopter crashes in the forest, a misanthropic ranger and his colleague must brave the wilderness and return to base.”
I’ll admit, removing the missing child angle makes the concept lose some of its hook, so maybe you need to find further justification for keeping it in there.
See lessWhile in coma, a pessimistic former athlete must regain his self belief to help a police force, that operates within collective unconscious of humanity, stop a powerful psychic taking over everybody’s minds.
Wow ... there's a lot of new information to process here. The concept sounds interesting, for sure, but maybe you need to dumb the language down so that people get the pitch in a more simplified manner? Instead of "collective unconscious of humanity", maybe just piggy back on movies we've already seRead more
Wow … there’s a lot of new information to process here. The concept sounds interesting, for sure, but maybe you need to dumb the language down so that people get the pitch in a more simplified manner? Instead of “collective unconscious of humanity”, maybe just piggy back on movies we’ve already seen, like Inception, and say something like “shared dream-scape” or “shared dream-land”?
The other problem is that you need to expend so many words on getting the concept across that the stakes as they pertain to your protagonist are not totally clear. Is he in danger of having his mind taken over? Or never waking up? How does this ‘get personal’? The drive is not primal.
Likewise, it’s not clear how this scenario is going to arc your athlete’s pessimism toward optimism. The flaw can usually be used to really enhance the irony of the concept (as in, show why this is the LAST guy you want handling this situation). I think that if it’s not clear, and considering how dense everything else is in this concept, maybe you just need to cut his flaw for brevity’s sake? I know that’s generally a no-no, but again if it’s just creating more confusion than it’s solving, I’d say get rid of it.
See lessWhen a commando is waken from a coma, he learns that he’s mostly machine and his kids have been kidnapped by a powerful warlord.
Whilst I agree wholeheartedly with all of the above ... if this is done in a pastiche sort of way ... I'm in. I want my ticket. It sounds fun.
Whilst I agree wholeheartedly with all of the above … if this is done in a pastiche sort of way … I’m in. I want my ticket. It sounds fun.
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