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Discovering she was only hired to fill a quota, a family-oriented mother bands with other ?tokens? to prove her unappreciative boss wrong by winning a big contract for the firm.
Sounds like it's working. My only suggestions - describing the mother as 'family-oriented' suggests that this will be the flaw that she will overcome (ie. she will need to learn that work must be prioritised over family). Not sure if that's the intention or not, but certainly from context and the waRead more
Sounds like it’s working. My only suggestions
– describing the mother as ‘family-oriented’ suggests that this will be the flaw that she will overcome (ie. she will need to learn that work must be prioritised over family). Not sure if that’s the intention or not, but certainly from context and the way that loglines GENERALLY describe their characters, that’s the implication.
– is there a more visual way to describe the objective goal (winning the contract). What must they do, specifically, and can it be described in a more visual manner? (This is a piece of advice given to me on my own recent logline submission, and I think it’s pretty on the money.) Can it be described more specifically?
Good stuff!
See lessAfter nearly dying of a heart attack, a morbidly obese junk-food addict gives herself a year to get in shape to finish the London marathon.
It seems like she solved her problem in the logline ... so I don't need to read the whole script/watch the movie? Besides the tedious difficulty of training for a marathon ... what's the conflict that sustains a feature runtime?
It seems like she solved her problem in the logline … so I don’t need to read the whole script/watch the movie?
Besides the tedious difficulty of training for a marathon … what’s the conflict that sustains a feature runtime?
See lessA troupe of aspiring college actors board a train bound for California hoping to make it big but must fight to stay alive as they are stalked by a mysterious passenger, who is eager to steal their spotlight and will stop at nothing to get it.
I don't understand the reason behind the conflict. Why would the killer be trying to steal the spotlight from ASPIRING actors? The premise works better if they're already famous actors, right? Like, if it's the cast of some huge ensemble film on their way to location, and the killer is taking them oRead more
I don’t understand the reason behind the conflict. Why would the killer be trying to steal the spotlight from ASPIRING actors?
The premise works better if they’re already famous actors, right? Like, if it’s the cast of some huge ensemble film on their way to location, and the killer is taking them out for maximum fame?
See less