1. Posted: October 5, 2020In:

    An Indian woman returning to modern India during the heat of the mango season after almost a decade in the US is forced to choose between her lover and a traditional arranged marriage.

    Ninann22 Logliner

    Hi, After reading the Logline I noticed it’s missing a few elements. I understand it’s a young Indian women returning home, then choosing between two men. It’s missing the conflict and antagonist force. What’s the thing jolts the protagonist life apart and what’s getting in her way. I would leave ouRead more

    Hi,
    After reading the Logline I noticed it’s missing a few elements. I understand it’s a young Indian women returning home, then choosing between two men. It’s missing the conflict and antagonist force. What’s the thing jolts the protagonist life apart and what’s getting in her way.
    I would leave out the modern India, of its set in the past that would be in the Logline. In addition during the heat of the mango season. Unless there is specific reason why. For example a festival or family business. Then use that instead.

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  2. Posted: October 7, 2020In:

    James son of the king of the Tree-GLow Kingdom, is called to save the kingdom of a dragon. He has to defend it for his family and the kingdom fighting with the wisdom of the Esential Gems.

    Best Answer
    Ninann22 Logliner

    Hi, I like we’re you’re heading with the story. I get it’s a fantasy, and a kingdom that needs saved. However, there are some parts that are missing and hard to understand. After reading your summary it was a little clearer. This site has a Logline formula I recommend using or this helps me as well.Read more

    Hi,
    I like we’re you’re heading with the story. I get it’s a fantasy, and a kingdom that needs saved. However, there are some parts that are missing and hard to understand. After reading your summary it was a little clearer. This site has a Logline formula I recommend using or this helps me as well.
    Protagonist + inciting incident + central conflict + protagonist goal.
    Does not have to be in that exact order, but it ensures you get those main elements in the logline.
    Here is my example
    When a evil dragon threatens a kingdom, a skittish prince must defeat it before it gains ultimate power and destroy’s everything in its path.
    You want to simplify it and get to the point. Don’t use specific names. The rules or the backstory is not known so it has to understandable for everyone. See what works for you then go from there. I hope this helps. Keep up the hard work.

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  3. Posted: April 2, 2020In:

    When a peaceful young man from the hard streets of gangland Los Angeles accidentally travels through time and witnesses his grandfather commit murder, he fights to change the past without becoming as violent as his neighborhood. Note: Series pilot for an hour-long drama.

    Ninann22 Logliner

    There is a lot going on in this story from what you explained. It?s a little confusing. Adding time travel to a storyline can be risky, because it has been done so many times. In addition, it has to be clear so everyone gets it. Remember you have to pitch this idea. If you have to take time to explaRead more

    There is a lot going on in this story from what you explained. It?s a little confusing. Adding time travel to a storyline can be risky, because it has been done so many times. In addition, it has to be clear so everyone gets it. Remember you have to pitch this idea. If you have to take time to explain this to a producer , it?s a no go. Look into movies like the Butterfly Effect, Project Almanac, and the Time Travelers Wife for examples. That will help execute your idea better into a simple yet interesting concept.

    I hope this helps. Happy writing.

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