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To stop her ex-husband from stealing the Mona Lisa, a world-class cat burglar turned security expert must illegally install her own security in the Louvre.
Yes, I agree! The "install her own security" bit isn't needed... what's important is the main goal, and that it is achievable. And you already have this: To stop the ex-husband from stealing the Mona Lisa. The protagonist will try different methods to achieve her goal throughout Act 2 anyway, so noRead more
Yes, I agree! The “install her own security” bit isn’t needed… what’s important is the main goal, and that it is achievable. And you already have this: To stop the ex-husband from stealing the Mona Lisa.
The protagonist will try different methods to achieve her goal throughout Act 2 anyway, so no need to describe any of them unless its very unique and part of the hook.
So how about just:
“A world class cat burglar turned security expert must stop her ex-husband from stealing the Mona Lisa.”
That’s only 17 words out of 25… now you have room to describe the character’s flaw and the stakes. 🙂
See lessTwo men hunt the rogue crocodile that killed both their wives. One wants to save it, the other wants it dead!
Intriguing monster thriller... you have me curious about the motivations of these two men. The man who wants to save it must really have hated his wife! To get us more invested, tell us which man is the main character, his profession, and his strength and flaw. I believe the man who wants to kill itRead more
Intriguing monster thriller… you have me curious about the motivations of these two men. The man who wants to save it must really have hated his wife!
To get us more invested, tell us which man is the main character, his profession, and his strength and flaw. I believe the man who wants to kill it is more relatable, and the setup gives him two obstacles that stop him from accomplishing his goal, the crocodile itself and the other man.
Also, it might add an extra level of interest to let us know the relationship between these two men, if any. Are they brothers, friends, or workmates? Also, was it a single crocodile attack that claimed both women, or two separate events?
Filling in the blanks myself, perhaps something like:
When a crocodile kills the wives of a paranoid captain and his activist brother, the captain must destroy the beast, and stop his brother from saving it.
See lessIn early 1997, Anu Singh, a young law student at the Australian National University, began to tell many people she was planning to kill herself. As her mental and emotional state disintegrated, her plans grew more bizarre and macabre, concerning her boyfriend Joe Cinque. In October she knocked Joe out with Rohypnol and then injected him with a lethal dose of heroin. Nobody tried to stop her.
Your subject matter is intriguing. It could be a good psychological thriller. Her passive friends remind me of the Bystander effect, where a person in a group is less likely to help someone in danger because the responsibility is shared. However, I agree with the others: there is no active protagoniRead more
Your subject matter is intriguing. It could be a good psychological thriller. Her passive friends remind me of the Bystander effect, where a person in a group is less likely to help someone in danger because the responsibility is shared.
However, I agree with the others: there is no active protagonist who we empathise with. Perhaps create a fictional character who tries to stop her?
See less