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A jaded old exorcist and strident young atheist stalk a cynical self-help guru who claims she can create personal gods. After guru's gods unexpectedly materialize and kill her at a small-town church seminar, the exorcist and atheist drop their debunking and fight their mutual distrust to get out of the church alive.
A very unique idea. The goal (kill the gods), antagonist (the gods) and stakes (their lives) are all there. But who is the main character, the exorcist or the atheist? Cut it down to these bare essentials and keep it at around 25 words or less. Here's my try: When a self-help guru's personal gods maRead more
A very unique idea. The goal (kill the gods), antagonist (the gods) and stakes (their lives) are all there. But who is the main character, the exorcist or the atheist?
Cut it down to these bare essentials and keep it at around 25 words or less.
Here’s my try:
When a self-help guru’s personal gods materialize and terrorize a church, and jaded old exorcist must destroy them with the help of a young atheist.
See lessA teenage girl saves the life of an old woman, who in return, grants the girl one wish ? to be anyone but herself.
Interesting inciting incident. My advice is: she needs an obtainable goal. What has she always wanted that she now has a chance of getting because of this wish? Be prom queen? Make a million dollars? Kill the man who murdered her parents? Get the boy? The goal will give us a hint as to who she'll chRead more
Interesting inciting incident. My advice is: she needs an obtainable goal. What has she always wanted that she now has a chance of getting because of this wish? Be prom queen? Make a million dollars? Kill the man who murdered her parents? Get the boy?
The goal will give us a hint as to who she’ll choose to be and what kind of movie we can expect, sparking further interest.
Also, give her a strength and weakness so we are promised an inner journey. This also helps us understand why she wants what she wants.
Here’s an example:
“A shy teenage outcast finally has a chance to be prom queen when an old woman grants her one wish ? to be anyone but herself.”
See lessIn a future with anti-gravity tech, a gang of street-wise orphans help a celebrity "sky-runner" athlete accused of terrorism survive the planet’s deadly slums and destroy the cyborg general who framed him.
I like it, it has a 5th Element vibe to it! But I like your first one better: "When a young, arrogant celebrity athlete is framed for blowing up the floating Imperial sky-palace, he escapes with a rag-tag bunch of surfacer teens into the planet's crime-ridden slums to bring to justice the Empire's mRead more
I like it, it has a 5th Element vibe to it! But I like your first one better:
“When a young, arrogant celebrity athlete is framed for blowing up the floating Imperial sky-palace, he escapes with a rag-tag bunch of surfacer teens into the planet’s crime-ridden slums to bring to justice the Empire’s most notorious terrorist ? its ruler.”
In your first logline it is clear that the main character is the athlete, and an inner journey is promised: from arrogant to humble.
In the new one, who is the main character? It could be the athlete or one of the orphans. And no inner journey is promised. I suggest re-writing it so the main character is clear, and give him a weakness, so we are promised an inner journey.
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