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After witnessing her parents slaughter, Aewyn escapes the castle grounds to find her fathers allies and take back her kingdom and saving her people.
The main character has a clear, obtainable goal: to take back her kingdom, and save her people. That's good! However, it feels a little generic... I can't say there is a unique hook that makes me really want to see this movie. Perhaps adding more details might help. Is there a main villain? If he isRead more
The main character has a clear, obtainable goal: to take back her kingdom, and save her people. That’s good! However, it feels a little generic… I can’t say there is a unique hook that makes me really want to see this movie.
Perhaps adding more details might help. Is there a main villain? If he is unique, describe him. Also, what are Aewyn’s strengths and flaws? Is she shy, outgoing or spoiled? Giving her a flaw in the logline promises an inner journey in the movie.
Also note you don’t have to mention the main character’s name as this doesn’t help sell the movie.
See lessE.g. “An energetic princess escapes the castle…” tells us way more.
An international smuggling maverick risks everything on an project that could catapult him into the big leagues, if his competition doesn't catch up with him first..
I like it but can you be more specific on what the project is and what the maverick's goal is as well as who his competition (antagonist) is? Phrases like "risk everything on a project" and "if his competition doesn't catch up with him first" are a little too vague, and don't give us much informatioRead more
I like it but can you be more specific on what the project is and what the maverick’s goal is as well as who his competition (antagonist) is?
Phrases like “risk everything on a project” and “if his competition doesn’t catch up with him first” are a little too vague, and don’t give us much information on what the movie is about.
See lessA lonely young man gets caught up in the craziness of an exclusive nightclub that he discovers might be trafficking drugs but he soon falls head over heels for a quirky girl who is addicted to the club, the only way to save her and maybe himself is to bring it all down.
My rewrite: When a lonely man falls for a girl addicted to a night club, he must destroy the club's drug trafficking operation to save her. Replace 'man' and 'girl' with occupations like doctor and nurse.
My rewrite:
When a lonely man falls for a girl addicted to a night club, he must destroy the club’s drug trafficking operation to save her.
Replace ‘man’ and ‘girl’ with occupations like doctor and nurse.
See less