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A Brilliant but reckless mechanic promises his dying brother that he will save the one girl who can cure a zombie-plague before the military kill her.
You have all the correct elements. Your main character, his function, strength and flaw are all there. The goal and stakes are also clear, and your antagonists: the military, and zombies. I think you can reword it to make it under twenty five words, and remove the dying brother part as his motivatioRead more
You have all the correct elements. Your main character, his function, strength and flaw are all there. The goal and stakes are also clear, and your antagonists: the military, and zombies.
I think you can reword it to make it under twenty five words, and remove the dying brother part as his motivation for saving the girl is clear enough, to cure the zombie plague.
In terms of content, saving a girl from the military/zombies doesn’t provide enough of a hook to get me interested. Zombie plague has been done. Maybe a more detailed description of the antagonists would help.
See lessA stranger turns up claiming to be her son…yet she has no recollection of ever having given birth
AWESOME inciting incident! Great hook...you have me intrigued. But what is the clear, obtainable goal your main character must achieve? Also,what are the obstacles stopping her from achieving this? And what is the main character's strength, flaw, and occupation? Here's an example of how I would struRead more
AWESOME inciting incident! Great hook…you have me intrigued. But what is the clear, obtainable goal your main character must achieve? Also,what are the obstacles stopping her from achieving this? And what is the main character’s strength, flaw, and occupation?
Here’s an example of how I would structure it:
When a stranger claims to be the son she never had, a weary caring nurse must undergo hypnotherapy to discover his true identity.
See lessCaptain Jonathan Trilby, the only T-Rex in the dinosaur detective space corp division has two hours to find the omega 3 reality bomb ?and ?defuse it before it destroys the galaxy. With the help of rookie partner Flip Biggins a agoraphobic terra dactyl, Trilby must find the cult behind the bomb while fighting the urge to eat his entire team.
Dinosaur detectives in Space! My initial impression was AWESOME idea for an animated film...Sherlock Holmes meets Jurassic Park meets The 5th Element with a hint of Madagascar. But then I thought...maybe there's one too many good ideas fused together. SPACE and DINOSAURS is cool. But DINOSAURS and DRead more
Dinosaur detectives in Space! My initial impression was AWESOME idea for an animated film…Sherlock Holmes meets Jurassic Park meets The 5th Element with a hint of Madagascar.
But then I thought…maybe there’s one too many good ideas fused together. SPACE and DINOSAURS is cool. But DINOSAURS and DETECTIVES? Dinosaurs are brutes and fighters, not thinkers. I’d rather see dinosaurs in action as superheros. But then again you might be able to milk that contrast for humour!
My advice: try to cut it down to around 25 words.
Here’s my crack at it.
A respected T-rex space detective and his partner, an agoraphobic terradactyl, must stop ::describe anatagonist:: from blowing up the galaxy.
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