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Paranoid Harry, a shell-shocked lieutenant, is sent to stop a general gone mad, commanding a nuclear missile silo, before he starts world war 3.
You're crafting an exciting action thriller here. Fascinating inner journey, action-packed outer journey and high stakes! My suggestion: Rather than "stop a general gone mad", be more specific on what Harry needs to do to stop the general. Does he physically journey to the silo with a team to arrestRead more
You’re crafting an exciting action thriller here. Fascinating inner journey, action-packed outer journey and high stakes!
My suggestion:
Rather than “stop a general gone mad”, be more specific on what Harry needs to do to stop the general. Does he physically journey to the silo with a team to arrest him? Or is he on the phone negotiating for the madman to surrender as he threatens to blow up certain cities?
This also applies to your Act 2 summary.
I suggest something like:
When a general gone mad threatens to start nuclear war, a paranoid, shell-shocked lieutenant must infiltrate a missile silo to arrest him.
See lessEd Noble?s world falls apart when a suicide bomber murders his family. Holding the bomber?s spiritual leader responsible, Ed resorts to desperate measures to bring him to account.
Interesting thriller - can you say it in fewer words? Phrases like "world falls apart" and "resorts to desperate measures" are too vague, and can be removed or made more specific. I suggest something like: When a suicide bomber murders his family, Ed attempts to bring the bomber?s spiritual leader tRead more
Interesting thriller – can you say it in fewer words?
Phrases like “world falls apart” and “resorts to desperate measures” are too vague, and can be removed or made more specific.
I suggest something like:
When a suicide bomber murders his family, Ed attempts to bring the bomber?s spiritual leader to justice by seizing his Mosque, holding seven people hostage.
See lessA family of werewolf hunters are manipulated and systematically brought to the brink of extinction by those they hunt.
It's a revenge story, but from the perspective of the "revengees". I like it. My advice would be to re-write the logline and make it about one character within the family of hunters, maybe a young boy or girl who is more innocent, and just being initated into the family business. That way we have soRead more
It’s a revenge story, but from the perspective of the “revengees”. I like it. My advice would be to re-write the logline and make it about one character within the family of hunters, maybe a young boy or girl who is more innocent, and just being initated into the family business. That way we have someone to root for as he/she fights to survive and save his family as these werewolves take revenge and kill them off one by one.
I also agree with Maidenscombe, you can be a little more specific with how they are targetted.
You could also hint at an inner journey. This main character could start off seeing werewolves just as his family does, as vicious animals to be killed, and as the movie progresses he can realize its much more complex…he could start to sympathise with the werewolves’ plight, perhaps even seek to redeem his family’s actions? I’m picturing a darker, bloodier, werewolfier version of “How to train a dragon”. Just a thought 🙂
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